Nice to come back...

It always feels nice to come back to this page..... I haven't written much..since I left Logan. Life has caught on. But I hope and wish to come back to writing again more frequently. For now... remaining moments of 2011 are as follows...

Trip to New Orleans, October 2011 with Avanti and Divya (Our Annual Retreat)





November : month of celebration for the wonderful years of my existence on this planet..

Hiking in Millcreek on my Bday with Michael, Lola and Sadie








Sushi at night




@ Road trip to Moab in a sports car with Lani and memorable stay at Sunflower Bed and Breakfast





@ Backpacking to Havasupai (Native American Village), Arizona during Thanks Giving Holiday with old and new friends..





December : Trip to California after many years... catching up with old friends, new status and AGU Conference..







and some people who were lost.. during the year

Highlights of the year 2011

The year so far...

Made New Friends..

Did my first Sprint Triathlon... 27th August

(400m swim, 10 miles Bike, 3.2 miles Run)

Started Running this year as well (May 7th 1st 5k ~ Cancer)

Triathlon Support and Cheering Folks..

Started Road Biking Long distances ( 30 -40 miles)

Bought a new road bike "Specialized Roubiax" July

Hiked some of the big mountains around SLC

Camped Flaming Gorge and Dinosaur N M

Gardened : grew my own organic vegetables.. (April - present)

5th June : Performed in SLC Library

June : Amrita Visited went on Geode hunt with some little friends..

June : went back packing & made new friends..

May 7th : Lost Columbus :( (It all started from here)

Feb : Visited Rajasthan with the whole gang :)

Feb : Went home, Long deserved holiday

Feb : Found a new sister :)

Feb : The Big Fat Bong and French Wedding ..

Dec 31st and Jan 1st : The Foundation of good year was laid that day :))

Bsanti ke daant and uski Kalli Boot !

Sholay 2009 ! With only Basanti and Bonita :) no Jai - and no Verru

My last single ;) Bday as a student, as an unemployed, as a PhD candidate.. THIS Bday was special.. Thanks to Bonita... for everything.. hopefully by next year I will have lot of new tags and adjectives to add to myself ..

Thanks Mical..love u for everything and the wonderful evening..

The moments stay frozen in time with me for ever.. in my Silver Pensive :)
Tanu Blotter

Can't we just be friends?

Is it possible to be friends with someone without any caring and sharing?

Is it possible to be friends with someone who has hurt you deep?

Is it possible to be friends with someone when what you think of them and what they think of you form the diameters of a circle?

Is it possible to be friends with someone when you are on guard?

Is it possible to be friends with someone without the exchange of trust?

Is it possible to be friends with someone without the need to share and likewise?

Is it possible to be friends with someone without any exchange of expectation (affection, care, liking) ?

Is it possible to be friends with someone after having thought about it and not finding an answer?
.
.
.
.
.

MAY BE, I DON'T KNOW...

I never stayed friends with anyone who hurt me and never told a sorry or acknowledged/realized for what they did..

I guess I will find out with time, if a stranger and me, managed to remain friends...

TIME is the best healer.. as proved always...

A Walk Down the Memory Lane...

I came to work... but ended up reading my own blog...or posts from the past..
It was refreshing, rejuvenating and reassuring to see myself grown in last 4 years..
Had I not written and shared myself here, Had I not had the few friends that I could talk to once in a while, I don't think I would have ever survived in this lonely country... after surviving a severe accident in India !!!

Sorry, I can't be modest here, but it feels nice to see and run through the memories of last four years. Am glad that today they are history. And tomorrow this post too will be history.

I have written fictions, poems, stories, concepts, bakwaas, ideas,
I have taken out my frustrations here...
I have cooled down or focused myself here..
I have forgiven people here...
I have forgotten people who used to be here...
I have made friends here...
I have lost friend here...

I remember there was a time in 2007, when I had none BUT just this space. And all I did was write and write. Some of my best post are nothing but a different expression of some emotion (pain or peace) that I witnessed or survived. Infact I started blogging after a big blow at the end of 2005. I think that was a significant turning point of my life in US.

My first blow in US was in 2004. Though I regained stability post 2004, I was still vulnerable and 2005 happened. But that was it. Post 2005, I choose to spend more time with myself and for myself. I weeded most people out of my life. I enjoyed solitude. I loved my time, my space. I enjoyed the bike rides up in the canyon, I enjoyed my time in the pool.. and whenever I would feel lonely, I would talk to Shyam and Madan..

We would conference, almost every other day, Me from Logan, Shyama from Boston and Madana from CA and yaap for hours talking about our respective people's in our lives. I wonder what would I do, if these two people were not there in my life then. Those were the years when I realized the strength and depth of our friendship. Being miles apart, we were still so close. We would fight, we would argue, yet we were there for each other. We had our own lives in our respective places yet we were together. Soon we got busy with our own lives but it was never, a zero ever. We would always be able to tune into each other whenever need be..

Even today, after 6 years (I met them in 2003 and we three became close friends from 2004) with Shyama and Madana married, and shyama with shamu, it just takes a sec to tune into each others life. Now a days we speak to each other may be once in every two months or may be even less... but tuning in still stays the same... I think my friendship with these two souls is something I will always be proud of. We fought, we stopped talking, we argued, BUT ultimately we survived. And that's what matters the most.

I dream of day, when three of us will again meet for a proper vacation with our respective family and we will tell stories to each others children and wives/husband on how they were 10 years back or 20 years back or when they were students.. on how shyama was our fav cook, how madan was hyperactive, I was the best dish washer they could ever get..and the story can go on and on and on ..

Madan and Shyam, were my pillars. If I ever become famous and I write a book on how to have the sunny side up, I will owe it to them.

Am glad that I wrote for all these years. I have something to cherish, look back and smile.

Madan and Shyam. Without them my 'Hall of Fame' is empty. The two most important and significant people in my life in US till date.

Yeh Duniya Hai Rang Birangi : Blogging Ki Bhi

I was going through my first photo blog...

'Some Pleasant Views'

It felt a nice walk through some wonderful days and time. Summer of 2006 was my best. Me, Tripti, Nikki, Gujju Gang, Ana, Silvia, Farmer's Market, Bike Rides....all came back alive.

Like going through an old album, Can't describe the reason and the peace in my smile right now. Feel's blissful :)

Am glad that I had archived those days here. It easier to run through old memories through a snap then reading about old days, like here !

Got reminded of Old friends, new friends, fellow blogger's ... the journey of realizing my passion with so many things...I did get reminded of an unwanted self inflicted trouble too which made me just close down everything... but then even that was fun... today when I went through all these shots above, I was smiling more than feeling sad or sorry.

Bachelor shyama and Madan; Harshil and Nikki.. ... .... so many many more...I am glad that I started blogging... and made such beautiful memories to cherish.
I met so many people in these 5 years. Some in real life, some in the blog world, some just in my thoughts, some stayed, some left..making all these memories to look back and smile. It just feels nice. Except for a few, every person here has made me smile, inspired and motivated me, helped me to realize so many things..and just grow in life..shai kaha hai kisi ne.. 'YEH DUNIYA HAI RANG BIRANGI' ...and that's true with blogging ki duniya too :)

I am shocked..................

Dear tanu

There is a bad news, Firoz's wife Mehrun expired on 11 January 09 at 1045am. Please write to him if you get time.

Bibhuti

******

I don't know what to say. Am shocked. Firoz is my friend (herpetologist) from Assam. His wife was detected of cancer the day he won the Best Wildlife Warden of the year in 2007. I had met her early last year during my field trip in N.E. She had undergone chemotherapy and was doing fine. I am shocked I don't know what to say. He is such a nice person. I don't know why such terrible things happen to good people....!!! :((

I don't know what to say even if I all him :(( God, please give Firoz the strength to live through this and peace to Meherun's soul. The first shock of the year.. :( and don't know what to say !!!

Today is 'Missing Day'

Yah am missing all these people today and the time we spent :) - A Happy Missing Day

I also realized why I enjoy taking pictures. I don't know if its just me, but I travel through time and memories every time I see old pictures. I re-visit those moments and emotions again and it helps me to reconnect past, present and future. It leaves me with a very peaceful, happy and soothing feeling and I feel happy about the bygone days :). And hence I call today as 'A Happy Missing Day' :)

I am really Happy today...

An Old lost friend called all the way from the other side of the world, just to tell 'SORRY'
Didn't I tell I get the best, I got it here too :)

It felt as if the 'Play' button in the CD player started working again.

I am really touched and cannot thank god for bringing back another chord of 'faith back to life'. I really had nothing to complain but only said "Thanks for getting back", I really did not believe that you choose to walk away.

Can't describe the strength of this Tiny word, 'SORRY' ! It takes equal courage to say it as well as accept it. Try it out for yourself if you have never used it. I have used it both ways and have always gained the best things in my life.

Thanks to life for everything and God Bless them..

For my Shikorina ....

"Daniel left today, he is simply nice. I like him a loooooooot. I was wiz him 24/7 that's why i did not update u sorry. How have u been? Hope u r doing great. keep in touch. Miss u sooooooooooooooo much!"

I could not believe this was really happening. I still can't. As I read the email, I could not help but remember all the fears, insecurities, hopes, dreams, laughter, and tears that we have shared together.

It was a bit strange journey from when we met to where we are today. From a hi and hello, during the weekly seminars for last two years, today not a single day goes without talking/seeing/laughing at(with) each other! It's amazing how ONE FINE DAY some people who barely existed for you become the most significant part of your life. My journey with her was something similar. Yes, am talking about my sweet heart and my best friend.

The first memory that I have of her was having caught her in her office crying in 2005! Yes, she was, for having left her family back home and coming all the way here for pursuing her degree! The next concrete memory I have of her was in fall 2007, when I was moving and looking for a roomate. After many missed calls I did manage to show them (yes, I refer them as them, as the are my best deal here, will write about the other half of them later) the apartment but we did not end up becoming roomates. I was angry and disappointed (my anger and disappointment are sometimes illogical but they are very temporal) then as they did not accept my offer. Little did I know then about the unsaid, silent, invisible 'best moment contract' I signed with them :) !

I moved to a different two bedroom apartment and it was nice as well. I continued running into her but still it was insignificant until thanks giving when my brother came and 'THEY' came over for thanks giving dinner. I think thats my 2nd memory with her, and first memory with them :) and my last days of 'Dark Ages' in 2007. 2007 was a very disturbing and unhappy year for me primarily for the shuttling between US and India and its consequences!! I came face to face with lot of truths and challenges but thankfully I had resolved most of the vague puzzles and the invisible contract was working as well :)

I don;t really recall but it was already 2008 and I remember everytime we ended up chatting at 1am or 5am outside our office we used to end up complaining "where were you all these years?". Inspite of being in opposite offices we never ran into each other as much as we did now! And boy, am glad we did. I guess the clock was set for us to be their for each other only in 2008. I have to be honest here, I was so scared of letting or getting close to anyone. I was really skeptical and reminded myself to keep distance. But I lost. She completely won my heart. And today she occupies one of my auricles, and guess what to my surprise it was a BUY 1 GET 1 free deal.

Yes, am talking about the "THEM". Her roomate. I got the BEST deal I could have got or I have got here in logan. And these cupons don't even expire :) They just get renewed every month or yearly I think !!! I used to be always busy, but I think I had really forgotten what a honest, heart to heart conversation was, I had forgotten what it was to come home to friends and not roommate or housemate, I had forgotten how it felt to call a friend at the middle of night and catching up on a funny video, I had forgotten what it was to do nothing and just lazying around with friends, I had forgotten what a real hug felt, I had forgotten what it was to fight over silly issues, I had forgotten what it felt when somebody asked if I had my lunch or dinner, I had forgotten how good it felt to make fun of yourself and the other infront of each other, I had forgotten what it felt to share your fear and insecurities, I had forgotten what it felt when people are being honest and straight forward, I had forgotten what it felt to not having the need to use your brain, I had forgotten how blissful it feels to live just by your heart, I had forgotten how it felt to have a friend, a company, a trust and faith, that 'I am there'. I had forgotten how it felt to really have some one who genuinely cared for you without an agenda! She got all these moments back in my life. And I was never lonely again. If there is something that I have realized having lived so many years by myself is, it takes courage to fight with loneliness and how much ever you specialize in mastering ways to handle loneliness there can be absolutely nothing that can equate to having someone who genuinely cares for you. And the 'Genuineness' in the care can only happen only if you have witnessed similar moments or you are in the same platform.

I cannot Thank god, for what I have today and I could not have valued what I have today as much as I do today had I not gone through what I had to! Her email today took me back on the memorable journey that I had with her and I know that we will continue to remain conected. To my sweet heart and now Danny's sweet heart for giving me the courage to believe in love and friendship. For giving me back my faith (Along with her, I need to acknowledge that I need to thank my 'TOY" as well for engraving the faith stronger. She is a sweet heart as well).

We might not meet every year, we might not speak to each other everyday, we might live in different countries, we might meet new people in our lives but I know we will always remain in each others prayers and heart since we stood by "each other" when it was needed. And above all 'She is the BEST'.

Actually, I have always got the BEST in every thing, be it pain or happiness. And I will continue to recieve the BEST, I just know it. I might have to pay some price though initially but thats fine. Everything happens for the best and WILL happen for the best. I believe it to the core, as thats what life has offerred me. It's a miracle.

And today I am witnessing another miracle, where god sends a soul out of the blue from miles and miles away (atleast 19 hrs away, from a country almost in the north pole) just for love for my shikorina. Yes, my sweet heart met her 'THE BEST' in the most miraculous way, and am so happy to know that they are together. I cannot put it in words how happy I am but I am, and I cannot believe that they met just 2 months back !!!

2008, has been a wonderful year for me. It has been a year of gaining things back. And she was the best part of it. I guess, life is nothing but a miracle, only if you are willing to take a chance, forgive and forget, :) . I did that, and my gain was/is humungous compared to the loses!

Thank God. Thanks Life....and off course THANKS to Shikorina for being there :). God Bless. you lotssssssss and miss you lots..

mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaah

We are Printed and Exorted to India

A glimpse of the one month with Mom and Dad here in Logan. Printed and sent to India with dad.. Life has been really busy and hectic over past one month but wonderful :) I love it this way..!! Thanks God for everything.. that you have given me..

And these are framed and kept...I demanded the B&W shot from Kshitiz. It is my gift of the year for the magical moment for myself...Interestingly neither of the events were dependent on each other. It has made Randomness my way of life. And I love it. The other I had just printed and framed wondering if to send it to India when My friend took it for a good purpose..

I Wish her all the best and hope it brings the colors that it is intended to in her life :)
All the best Shikorina and Thanks to Life for all the people I can or have chosen me to share it with