Make Laugh

...

People say all the time,

Make friends,
Make bubbles,
Make cake,
Make food...
. .

Bla Bla...

Not that I cannot make the above but for me the best is to 'Make Laugh' :)

I actually feel depressed and sad, when I cannot make people laugh.

I need to give my daily dose of 'Make Laugh' to people.. be it friends around or online :)
BUT I HAVE TO DO IT...

It's like Nike - Do it !

And I hate it when life takes out that freedom from me, for a while !

Was talking to one of my very best friend.. and I came up with this one liner to flirt :)

Pick Me, Click Me, Stick to Me, then Educate Me !

Shared it with Kshitiz immediately as it was borrowed directly from his Child Welfare Project :) with some modification from the self ! And I literally heard him laugh aloud :)

Nike - Do It, moment achieved :)

This is Rony's snap.

My Bible

.... and How it all Started

Dad just sent this forward with the words in them.. it reminded me of my childhood days when I used to spend hours in our backyard (Farakka D-3) watching the birds play build their nest, rebuild and rebuild. Every afternoon after coming back from school (KV Farakka) I used to gulp down the food somehow to see if the nests were complete, if they had eggs, if there were babies..

Yah, I was very lucky to be not growing in a city but in a small town with big trees and plenty of sights from nature to cherish. I JUST LOVED IT. I think after birds it used to frogs that I used to follow. Birds were too pretty to hold and catch and they would fly so I could never really catch them. But frogs were slimy, sluggish and lazy.

As a kid I have had a parakeet, a guniea pig, streets dogs and lot of cats as pets.
As a wildlifer I had a squirrel, a snake, a leech, a spider, a preying mantis as a pet. Most of these creatures recoverd half dead or injured and I nurtured them till could or till they choose to stay. Those that survived the shock were released back. And I used to love observing them. Unfortuantely the once I found in wild never built their house in front of me but I gathered my love and passion for them from my backyard 20 years back in Farakka watching the 'Birds'

I grew up in a small town called Farakka. It was almost a village when we first moved there. We landed there on a summer morning quite pleasant than the kolkata I was used to till then. I remember my first sight of the township was very exciting. I had never seen such big trees at reachable distance. I had never seen unpaved roads. I had never seen huts for real or paddy field. We first lived in C3 then after two years moved to the D-complex, D3. That's where my life changed as we had a huge back yard with jamun, guava, banana, lime trees. There were lot of flowering plants too but jamun and guava were my favorite as I could climb and play for real. I used to have a tree house in my head and I used to imagine myself staying in it, when for real i just sat on a branch and chewed some raw guava's I guess ! I used to sit their quietly and wait for birds to come. Offcourse they never came till I sat there unless it was the ripening time for guava and jamun :) And it was my paradise. I did not know the name of the colorful birds I saw. But I remember seeing a beautiful yellow bird. Later when I went to Wildlife Insitute of India, and had my first binocular, I saw my yellow bird first in Salim Ali's 'Birds of Indian Subcontinent' then for real in our campus. I recognized them right away. It was a pair of Golden Oriole (Oriolus oriolus).

It might sound stupid, but I felt I saw the pair I saw in my backyard. It felt as if they came to tell that I am on track. It felt God sent. I cannot explain the feeling. But something divine, when I knew deep down its was not the same pair I used to see in our backyard. But seeing something I saw in 1988 again in 1997 was like a rebounding of something deep within me. And I knew it then I am doing what I am meant to do. And that's the first time I felt the touch or presence of something beyond me, guiding me. The presence of an unknown, the universe, a faith, a vision was born. I saw it. I felt it. I lived through it. I can only remember and re-experience it. But I cannot define it. And honestly I do not want to describe it either. But that's how it all started. My journey into the Wild, my journey with the Unknown. The unknown force still resides with me in everything I do. It touches me every time I go back to nature, every time I hear something close to what I heard in 1984. It was bliss. It will always be. My first and foremost love and passion. Something that came from within.

I have never written about the Golden Orioles but they were the one's who used to visit my backyard and I used to so wish that they make a nest in the guava or jamun tree, but they never did. They only came to eat the fruits. And t hey came only thrice. I waited and waited but I never saw them again until in 1997. I did manage to find nest in my backyard in the jamun tree. But it was too far for me to see if they had eggs in it. But often I used to see a Cuckoo . Hence I knew it was a living nest. Later I came to know that Cuckoo's are parasites. They take over the nest of other birds and the baby cuckoo ends up throwing the eggs of its original occupants as it keeps growing. Yah, sad but true ! Survival of the fittest.

There was one small nest in the Bedana tree too, but I disturbed it with my excitement and chased away its owners.

But then came the Baya Beavers at Wildlife Institute in the reeds. The Orioles lead me to the beavers and the beavers led me to where I am today. A journey, I am proud of. A journey that got reminded today and I will always remember.

I never knew then that what I saw in my backyard would give me the strength in life too. Had I not grown up in Farakka, had I not studied Ecology or Nature, Had I not seen the hardship and perseverence the animals and birds have, I don't think I would have survived the harsh weather in my life.

Every now and then there are hail storms and snow storms here and there. But I have decided to stay PUT and not GIVE UP.

NEVER SAY NO. It was ONLY in 2003 that I uttered the word 'THE END' in my life. Thanks to my parents and Avanti who stood by me and helped me to rebuild my life.

These snaps reminded me of a journey I have survived and that I will make it. No matter what! I will MAKE IT .

Today or Tommorrow.

Thanks Bapi for reminding me the backyard of D3, the essense of my life.

I LOVE YOU LIFE FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME AND WILL CONTINUE CELEBRATING EVERY DAY OF IT ..

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

Kahaan Taak Yeh Maan Ko..

I love this song and this movie as well. Have been pissed off with certain things around. But I guess such is life. I am just hoping and wishing that things will get better. There will be new hopes, new light, new smiles coming in from somewhere..

So just reminding myself, to not give up... and keep smiling..

Have to watch this movie today Here

He or She Makes Me Happy !!

I don't know why it's so hard for someone to understand why I like someone and why I don't !!!

I know the things that make me happy and collect or connect with them :)
What's wrong in doing so?

I had a raging argument with Ma on this topic also!!

I don't blame her. Mother's of single eligible girls, I guess behave and at times become irrational too :)

She thinks am very very choosy.
Yes, I agree. I am.

I cannot compromise on things that make me happy, :)
And at the same time, I can go to any length for things that make me happy, :)

Now what my 'happy basket' contains, is something that people have to figure out on their own. I am not going to make a llst of things in my basket :)

Phir to apunn ki koi value hi nahi rahegi :)
Thoda Mehenat Shehanaat Karo :)

I can only garauntee, 'Happiness and Madness' :)
If we have something common in our baskets, :)

ahhh, I feel nice now.
I WAS ALMOST ABOUT TO BREAK MY RESOLUTION OF NOT LOOSING MY TEMPER IN 2009.

THANKFULLY I DIDN'T

PEACE PREVAILED, as I conveyed my point to mom :)

All things considered.....

No this is not NPR's (National Public Radio) 'ALL THINGS CONSIDERED' news channel.. but just my life..

I have made this statement a zillion times "I Don't Regret anything".

But the matter of fact is I Do!

I regret the loneliness that engulfs me after my loved ones leave..

May be all the hardship that I have gone through would not have been so hard had there been this tiny difference

May be after I have gained some distance from today the big picture on the canvas will emerge and everything will make sense. Reality and truth will be beside me. On that day I guess all the hardships will turn into the most wonderful blessings of my life.

Until then, yes I do regret for becoming vulnerable to loneliness sometimes in my life. I accept it completely. But at the same time I know the final departure of this regret is gradually advancing.

Till then, give me the strength for : WHAT I CAN, I MUST.

The good thing...

about reading or knowing others people thoughts, patterns, worries.. like here

TRACKLESS WANDERED by Kshitiz

Tells me, Assures Me... I am not alone.. there are equally wired people or people struggling with distraction, confusion, worries, dreams, disappointments, optimism, dreaming and thinking...

I just start feeling more normal :)

Dumb Dumber Dumbest !!!

How dumb can one be to answer a interesting Q like -

'What about you?"
"Not seeing anyone?"

"No, am not seeing anyone.....besides I have improper eye sight to see anyone... , :)) "

After lecturing/advising the whole world for 30++ years to never answer such questions directly...when met with such Q in my life I behave like a total dhakkaaaaaaaaaan, 'A Glorified Lid' that also with someone I have a crush on!!!

How dumb and stupid, can one be !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ................
I can hear shammi kapoor's "aisa mauka phir kahan mileegaaaaaaaaaa???" playing loud in the back ground !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was a fiasco !!!!

Truely Yours !!!

Dealing with someone who is as stubborn as you are can be problematic today. Your feelings are intense and if you know that you're right, they can get in the way of an amicable discussion. Don't let a petty disagreement explode into an outright fight for survival. It's not necessary to force a resolution. Just acknowledge your emotions and listen carefully to what the other person has to say. You will have another chance to seek common ground after everyone has time to cool off......

So true !!!
Scorpio Tanu :( !!!

I am Victim Too !!

I can never Thank Bill Watterson enough for creating a master piece like Calvin,
any time, any day, in any mood 'A Smile' is gauranted :)
Pick Me, Pick Us -

yours truly C and H :) , :D

Dream ...

I LOVE TO DREAM. Irrespective of Day or Night.
Why?
Because it motivates me. It's like breathing. I feel alive. I feel hopeful. I feel possible. It's makes me feel inspired..

But just dreaming is not important, I have to share it too, :) An absolute necessity again.
For me its crucial. I can't live without it. I feel suffocated.

Be it a dream on my latest crush or job, or goals.
So, I dream both emotionally and socially..

"One fine day.... bla bla bla ... will happen"

AND the "bla bla bla" really contains a lot, a lot of things..most of it I think I know and have figured it out :). Thankfully.

Bakwaasing and Dreaming are a very essential part of me. I can't live without either!! :(
I bond with people fast if they resonate my dreams and (or) bakwaas. If you resonante both then you are a permanent object in my life. You are stuck with me, like feviquick! No way out. But its absolutley essential to you resonate atleast ONE of them...

So talking about dream..it definitely is a more significant bonding agent than Bakwaas, :)
It is absolutely important for me to be able to share them or have some one resonante them.

I am very fortunate, that I have had friends with whom I not only share these dreams but also build on them or dream together. A more appropriate term would we 'We Dream together" :)

So, in nutshell just sharing dreams is not important,
Dreaming together IS essential...
Right now I have 2 - 3 people and with each of them or I am dreaming something together :)

It's like Dream Out Sourced :)

Someday all those outsourced dreams will be fullfilled :) And I believe it will be blissful if all the sharing, resonating, building, and eventually seeing those dreams together converges to ONE source :)

Waaaaaaaaooooooooooooo, even the thought of it makes me feel blissfull..

*| *

smiling blissfully... just wanted to thank god for giving me such people.. love u for this...
muuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaa

These are few of my fav. things ...

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When am sad...

I simply remeber few of my favourite things...
Then I don't feel so baaaadddddddd....
(Sound of Music)

Highlights of Day 2 at LA, CA (LA remains safe, I leave tomorrow for SD); Day 3 of the trip

i) My first tatoo (No, not original but I think I will get a original one someday soon)
ii) My first real caricature :)
iii) Jhamura giri :)
iv) My Green frog
v) My everlasting Jeans
vi) Shootout ..(if nothing is available I am happy taking pictures of my happy feet) :)
vii) My fav. shoe :)

Surprise Surprise - Part -II

Yup, time for surprise for MOM :)

Part -I was ME :) on 6th Oct 2008 at Chicago, IL when they arrived here :)
Part -II is written and directed by my brother who is coming tomorrow evening and MOM still have no clue about it :)

I have been acting weird on purpose just to irritate her, so that she enjoys the surprise to the the fullest, :)

We have been planning on Dosa and other stuff for weeks and I was able to successfully postpone my eating plans saying that am busy :) he he :)). She was irritated to the point of saying "if you don't want to eat why did u ask me to make the bater" :)

I replied only time shall reply :) Now am buzy :) let me work, I can't go back to work if I eat Dosa :) . I can't wait to see the expression on her face followed by our road trip to LA from Saturday via Vegas :). Every time I visited Vegas, I wished my mom was there. The day has finally come. Wishes that are going to be full filled in next few days -

1. Mom's reaction to Vegas life.
2. Mom's reaction to 'tukun's' knock on the door :)
3. Mom's reaction to my driving on US-Highway :) (this one am bit scared about too, but I think I will manage)
4. Mom's footsteps in California :). Only after she came here I came to know about her desire to visit California sometime. Apparently grandpa wanted one his children to come to US and study. But somehow those days such dreams were really impossible. It definately was for my mom's family. But next week all those desires are going to be full filled - Mom's and Grandpa's :) Thanks a lot GOD for giving us this oppurtunity to be able to take mom to California :) THANKS A LOT. Love you.
5. Visit to Bryce - Its my homeland :) I think in US. I have been there 6 times already and this will be my 7th, the one before the last. I think this time we will just drive by Bryce as its going to be cold to be outside and mom has knee problems. But I will be able to show the sunrise/sunset at Bryce Canyon. I will visit BRYCE once more after this trip. And that will be my last visit to Bryce :)


For now so many wishes being granted is more than enough. I shall rest in peace for next few months :). I don't know if mom has a clue or not but few days she was asking me about Bhai's visit. And I lied blatantly :) saying I don't think he has time :). She definitely was a bit upset but all shall be forgiven tomorrow after 5pm.

THANK YOU GOD

First Time..

For the first time..
I have crush on someone from my race.... :)
I am sure I will be over it soon..but I rejoicing the fact.. I could actually manage to have a crush on someone from my clan :)

Am basking in its glory as much as I can before I fall out of it.. :)
This has never happened in past...30++ years :)

I shall be out of it by February ... :) so not much time left..

Sensible Words from Rick Again !!

"You have a lot happening on a psychological level now, but it needn't get in the way of your productivity. In fact, you can put your emotions to work by letting others know what they need to do to win your approval. Being clear with your expectations is crucial, yet you must also lead by example. Don't ask anyone else to do something unless you are prepared to do it too"

How do you know so much, is what I wonder?
I think I am perpetually always in Crush or Infatuation, 24 7, 365 days :) !!
As I consistently loose focus on the focused after three months :)

Phew!! Rick stop making sense all the time !

Rick is always right !

"Although sometimes it feels as if the good times should last forever, they cannot. But this doesn't mean that you are heading into troubled waters; it's just that the high energy of the past few days mellows. If you look carefully at what you have, though, you'll realize that you do have love in your life, even if fireworks aren't lighting up the sky. Don't wait for something better to come along; share your love with those currently in your life who deserve it."

So true. Most of the time we are caught in the struggle between what we want vs what we have! It's easy to get blinded by bright flashes. One needs to just close their eyes for a while under such circumstances to regain normal vision and notice what lies next !It always helps. It has alwasy helped me :). ..just random thoughts but makes complete sense..thanks Rick :)

In Transition

Having a tough time in addressing and balancing a step toward certainty and uncertainty

a foot towards the destined PhD end is also a step towards uncertainty, unknown! A step towards not knowing what next, not knowing where will the salary come from next, what would I do next !!

a foot towards saying a Hi and Bye together.......

a foot in my haunted land of 'I miss you' & 'I don't miss you'....

a foot towards searching job and finishing up as well...

a foot towards disappointed job interviews and persistent application and search...

Phew....help me toughen up...and remain in focus... few more months... and all this uncertainty will be over..

Came back from Mical defense, am shit scared imagining myself in her shoes in few months. I have to get it done with next couple of months. I have to just forget the uncertainity post PhD and just finish it. If I get a job, great IF Not am sure there is something for me in thought by the universe. I will not have the luxory that I have today with my parents around. Nothing like having your family and your loved one's around when your finishing your PhD. A security, a sureity of having someone to fall back on when I go back home is Blissfull. I am luck and fortunate to have them here.. A certainity of no matter what they are with me..

Give me the strength and courage to sail through this last phase... that's all I want for in this diwali..because next diwali...I will have absolute answers to everything. Everybody finds it someday. So would I. This IS the year of uncertainities for me.. Be with me....I need you..

Thanks
The Scared Tanu

The Break...

The long waited break is here fine.. I was looking forward to it.. too many things are happening or criss-crossing at this point in my life, like always :)

Ok, so tomorrow am off to Chicago for a 'surprise treat to parents'. I have this thing of surprising people, or more specifically close friends and family. My surprise treats head back to school days, or boarding days when I would show up at home in the middle of night or unexpected!

My Mom, would obviously be shocked, with a loud squeak or scream if she happened to open the door. And if it was dad, then after he absorbs the shock we would pair up to shock mom, :) ..

Thankfully I have been able to keep up with this trait, even while I was here in the US. I showed up at home, (India, Kolkata) on Saptami morning of 2006! It was such a big hit ! I was totally thrilled. Everything worked perfect!

Among friends, I have only surprised Shyam and Madan till date by visiting them other than usual B'day surprises to others..

Even this year when I was visiting India for my fieldwork, Dad, requested not surprise them as that changes there whole plan and program :) Somehow I was considertate!

So going with my self created legend, I have to keep up with myself...and surprise parents while they are here !

And hence my Chicago trip :) . With their Passport being stuck at the canadian embassy I was almost becoming a surprize to myself !! Thankfully it all worked fine and now they are ready to leave. They are expected to arrive at Chicago on Tuesday 5 am :) ..

I am yet to decide if I should just pat my mom from behing in the aircraft, or meet them at domestic terminal or at the exit of the International Arrival ! Not sure! Will do the final planning impromptu!

When I told this to my brother, he as usual gave his practical advice, use your money and time effeciently, :) It's true but all time and money is worth spending for a glipmse of that surprised, happy, unexpected, peaceful, smile on the faces of your loved ones..

So, as I was planning on this surprise came along a small surprise for me too :) . Meeting another online person. This year has been a year of 'Online Surprises' :)

And I think am becoming more and more confident with meeting strangers, having a good time, living for the moment, and above all enjoying life :)

Wish, there was some Offline surprises in store too :)

totally random!!

yuppp bought a rapchik dress for myself...
can't wait to wear it :D :)

me and my roommate went for haircut,
instead came back with -

snow boots and dresses for ourselves !!

Kudos to the B-group !!

B for BiNGo, B for Bitch !!

This post is dedicated to the complete acceptance and acknowledgement of "Bitch and Bitches" around and I have no regret in accepting and behaving accordingly from hence forth!!

I SHALL DO IT, I WILL DO IT !!

Kudos to them...felt nice after sharing the claustrophobic pretentious peoples action and reaction with her!!

It's amazing to even imagine how we became friends! Aaj ki date mein if there is someone I can be honest with and I know I will get an honest opinion is her! Can't Thank God less for this...

XYZ: train urself to be a bitch soemtimes

me: :(

XYZ people take us for granted

seriously

me: i know :(
XYZ:waste people

1:23 PM

me: uff I hate all the ppl !!

XYZ: exaclty

u shuld be happy

me: i think i shuld start think really thinking them as biutch !!

YES, that's the conclusion.. I think I have to stop feeling guilty in thinking and taking others as Bitch !! Shit Man I hate this!! But I think that's the only way I will feel better...and to survive and not get affected..

Treat everything and everybody in and around your life as an opportunity towards your benefit as they treat you! This will reduce my Jaw Pain, Sad depressing and complaining Blogs and less of missing people whom I would want to share it with!!

The only road to freedom of mind and soul! Else you will only glorify the ASS in you !! And its high time that I stop doing that...! I mean I have reduced a lot..but I need to accept deep in my heart that there are BITCH and BITCHES around, which I have been avoiding till now !!

XYZ: there is one thing i have learnt

me: I am sick of the jaw pain smile :)

XYZ: if u look at life as opputunity then its better bcoz you judge better

me: yaah ree, 100% correct!!

XYZ: every situation ko ek fayda ke equation mein daloo

me: dil se...emotion se socho to u are only an ASS

XYZ: true, if no fayida ignore

me: ejactly !!

XYZ: any small fyida go for it

me: saab salee kamine hain mai bhi kamini :)

lagta haai mai dhere dhere abb sudhar rahi hoon :), apne life mein !
XYZ: else you will end up hurting yourself and feeling sad about this life and people around !! So just accept there are Bitches around as there are Dogs !!

me: hmmmm :(

I think is what I had to learn from the gathering last night. The only way and path to my freedom! And am not going to listen to stupid Guilt statement of 'what' the difference between them and Me' I don't want any difference !! I don't want to be different anymore!! Am not getting a National or International Recognition Award !!

Be an Bitch to a Bitch, Be an Angel to an Angel !!

Kudo's to the B-group I finally accept your glorious existencee at the external boundary of my life !! BUT stay there !! But stay there andar anee ko koshi ki to kaat dalungi !!!

KAMINEEE SALEEEEEEEEE !!!

Phew!! hope I have no more posts on these fucking people here !! They do not deserve a mention here...Lord Voldermert ka ghar wale!

Like Lily and James, there exists Belatrix as well !!
Like Harry, there exists Malfoy too!!
And so does Snape !!

Just don't know where HE is :)

Sorry I had to connect to the Harry Potter part in me, and my life !! It's just so true. Love it. Love JK Rowling creation...to the core

Reasons for being an ASS

It does not take much time for you to know that you are being an ASS.
Unlike in the past the good thing this time is you know you are being an ASS :)
The bad point is that you are still continuing to being an ASS !!!!!
The good point is you are wanting a full details of why you are being an ASS?
The bad point is am going to tell straight and simple every act of yours towards being an ASS..
Should I ?

this is how we started and this is what I was told..

1. You are wasting your time when you know not even 1 hr of that invested time will be reverted back when you need it
(my reply : might be by someone else)
(advocate : then invest on someone else)

2. You are giving free ride and gas is expensive these days
(my reply : might be by someone else)
(advocate : then give ride to someone else)

3. You are believing what is told to everybody as if its told specially to you!!
(my reply : might be by someone else)
(advocate : then wait to hear from someone else)

I decided to shut up here and just listen instead

1. You are out-scoped
2. You do not exist
3. Remind yourself the give and take lesson policy to start off relax it only with time!!!
4. One who cannot take a stand for himself cannot take it for anybody else! (REMIND YOURSELF the journey from 1 to 10 !!)
5. Are you ok being priority no. 4 or no. 7 in priority No.2's life?
6. Be at the same platform to other "superficial"
7. Jaw pain sucks, but if that how the other is, be that way else move out of the way!
8. Do not get caught in shallow words.
9. Let the actions speak
10. The action speak of nothing but time pass, so keep that in the focus
11. One who really cares will want to share your side and reason and not just dumping!
12. Keep the One Way sign on the road in focus
13. Above all 'you do not have time'
14. Forgive BUT don't forget! Make them your strength!
15. Let time speak, and believe only in what time speaks. Time is the only truth rest everything is transient!


So, glorified ASS, get back on track! Its ok. Life does not end here. If not A there will be B! If not B there will be C !! But its important to know who you are with and where you stand !

And on this page YOU stand no where ! Don;t get carried away! Listen to your gut feeling! If they can move ON, you too can !

" I know all this. Still I act impulsive at times!! I love it. I love to believe and live for the moment as if that's the only truth. But there is no point in fooling oneself. It leads to no where! Be realistic is what matters. Its just so easy and simple to believe someone rather than having to do all this dirty brain work !! I hate it. I wish I can stop it someday !! Phew!!"

Thanks that I have friends who do not hesitate telling me straight things that I need to listen to :)