Thoughts thoughts and thoughts...!!!
Thoughts for food and thoughts for life,
Thoughts at work and thoughts to survive,
Will write more, as my thoughts see's
Tommorrow's sunlight:)!
I have heard this story as a kid, but it came as a forward, right when I needed it. Tales of Jakarta, Stories of Wisdom :)
What I can, I must !
Time is the best medicine
Once Buddha was travelling from a town to another town, he was accompanied by some of his disciples. While they were travelling, they happened to pass a lake.
They stopped there and Buddha told one of his disciples, "I am thirsty. Please get me some water from that lake there."
The disciple walked up to the lake. When he reached it, he noticed that right at that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake.
As a result, the water became very muddy, very turbid. The disciple thought, "How can I give this muddy water to Buddha?!"
So he came back and told Buddha, "The water in there is very muddy. I don't think it is fit to drink." After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the disciple again to go back to the lake and get him some water to drink. The disciple obediently went back to the lake.
This time too he found that the lake was muddy. He returned and informed Buddha about the same.
After sometime, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back. The disciple reached the lake to find the lake absolutely clean and clear with pure water in it.
The mud had settled down and the water above it looked fit to be had. So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha.
Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said," See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be.... and the mud settled down on its own - and you got clear water. Your mind is also like that! When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own. You don't have to make any effort to calm it down. It will happen. It is effortless.."
What did Buddha emphasize here? He said, "It is effortless." Having 'Peace of Mind' is not a strenuous job; it is an effortless process!
Problems are like the mud, there will be always problems coming in to every ones life which will make the life muddy, when someone disturbs it, allowing some time settles the problems down.
Yah, proud of the few individuals and unfortunate that we fail to keep them, why?
Find out in the following texts and video.
Glad, I ran into Pranav Mistry's (from MIT) talk on TED and Mr. Ayyadurai. Such a contrast between the potential we have and what is actually delivered! It's always the individuals, I believe who contribute to change. Pranav Mistry's discovery and research in mind boggling. Just brilliant. And I feel proud to know that he is an Indian, but at the same time MIT owe's the credential for giving him the base to do his work. Just brilliant. On the other hand, what Mr.Ayyadurai could have done we will never know, as we failed him, in turn we failed ourselves. WE HAVE LOST AN OPPORTUNITY, hence the unfortunate me! Good luck to Pranav Mistry, and his endeavors. Just Brilliant. The TED video is at the end of this post.
NEW DELHI — When 7-year-old Shiva Ayyadurai left Mumbai with his family nearly 40 years ago, he promised himself he would return to India someday to help his country.
Ayyadurai returned to Boston after clashing with Indian government bureaucracy. Here is the original link.
In June, Mr. Ayyadurai, now 45, moved from Boston to New Delhi hoping to make good on that promise. An entrepreneur and lecturer at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, with a fistful of American degrees, he was the first recruit of an ambitious government program to lure talented scientists of the so-called desi diaspora back to their homeland.
“It seemed perfect,” he said recently of the job opportunity.
It wasn’t.
As Mr. Ayyadurai sees it now, his Western business education met India’s notoriously inefficient, opaque government, and things went downhill from there. Within weeks, he and his boss were at loggerheads. Last month, his job offer was withdrawn. Mr. Ayyadurai has moved back to Boston.
In recent years, Mother India has welcomed back tens of thousands of former emigrants and their offspring. When he visited the United States this week, Prime Minister Manmohan Singh personally extended an invitation “to all Indian-Americans and nonresident Indians who wish to return home.” But, like Mr. Ayyadurai, many Indians who spent most of their lives in North America and Europe are finding they can’t go home again.
About 100,000 “returnees” will move from the United States to India in the next five years, estimates Vivek Wadhwa, a research associate at Harvard University who has studied the topic. These repats, as they are known, are drawn by India’s booming economic growth, the chance to wrestle with complex problems and the opportunity to learn more about their heritage. They are joining multinational companies, starting new businesses and even becoming part of India’s sleepy government bureaucracy.
But a study by Mr. Wadhwa and other academics found that 34 percent of repats found it difficult to return to India — compared to just 13 percent of Indian immigrants who found it difficult to settle in the United States. The repats complained about traffic, lack of infrastructure, bureaucracy and pollution.
For many returnees the cultural ties and chance to do good that drew them back are overshadowed by workplace cultures that feel unexpectedly foreign, and can be frustrating. Sometimes returnees discover that they share more in their attitudes and perspectives with other Americans or with the British than with other Indians. Some stay just a few months, some return to the West after a few years.
Returnees run into trouble when they “look Indian but think American,” said Anjali Bansal, managing partner in India for Spencer Stuart, the global executive search firm. People expect them to know the country because of how they look, but they may not be familiar with the way things run, she said. Similarly, when things don’t operate the way they do in the United States or Britain, the repats sometimes complain.
“India can seem to have a fairly ambiguous and chaotic way of working, but it works,” Ms. Bansal said. “I’ve heard people say things like ‘It is so inefficient or it is so unprofessional.’ ” She said it was more constructive to just accept customs as being different.
Sometimes, the better fit for a job in India is an expatriate who has experience working in emerging markets, rather than someone born in India who has only worked in the United States, she said.
While several Indian-origin authors have penned soul-searching tomes about their return to India, and dozens of business books exist for Western expatriates trying to do business here, the guidelines for the returning Indian manager or entrepreneur are still being drawn.
“Some very simple practices that you often take for granted, such as being ethical in day to day situations, or believing in the rule of law in everyday behavior, are surprisingly absent in many situations,” said Raju Narisetti, who was born in Hyderabad and returned to India in 2006 to found a business newspaper called Mint, which is now the country’s second-biggest business paper by readership.
He said he left earlier than he expected because of a “troubling nexus” of business, politics and publishing that he called “draining on body and soul.” He returned to the United States this year to join The Washington Post.
There are no shortcuts to spending lots of time working in the country, returnees say. “There are so many things that are tricky about doing business in India that it takes years to figure it out,” said Sanjay Kamlani, the co-chief executive of Pangea3, a legal outsourcing firm with offices in New York and Mumbai. Mr. Kamlani was born in Miami, where his parents emigrated from Mumbai, but he has started two businesses with Indian operations.
When Mr. Kamlani started hiring in India, he met with a completely unexpected phenomena: some new recruits would not show up for work on their first day. Then, their mothers would call and say they were sick for days in a row. They never intended to come at all, he realized, but “there’s a cultural desire to avoid confrontation,” he said.
The case of Mr. Ayyadurai, the M.I.T. lecturer, illustrates just how frustrating the experience can be for someone schooled in more direct, American-style management. After a long meeting with a top bureaucrat, who gave him a handwritten job offer, Mr. Ayyadurai signed on to the Council of Scientific and Industrial Research, or C.S.I.R., a government-financed agency that reports to the ministry of science.
The agency is responsible for creating a new company, called C.S.I.R.-Tech, to spin off profitable businesses from India’s dozens of public laboratories. Currently, the agency, which oversees 4,500 scientists, generates just $80 million in cash flow a year, even though its annual budget is the equivalent of half a billion dollars.
Mr. Ayyadurai said he spent weeks trying to get answers and responses to e-mail messages, particularly from the person who hired him, the C.S.I.R. director general, Samir K. Brahmachari. After several months of trying to set up a business plan for the new company with no input from his boss, he said, he distributed a draft plan to C.S.I.R.’s scientists asking for feedback, and criticizing the agency’s management.
Four days later, Mr. Ayyadurai was forbidden from communicating with other scientists. Later, he received an official letter saying his job offer was withdrawn.
The complaints in Mr. Ayyadurai’s paper could be an outline for what many inside and outside India say could be improved in some workplaces here: disorganization, intimidation, a culture where top directors’ decisions are rarely challenged and a lack of respect for promptness that means meetings start hours late and sometimes go on for hours with no clear agenda.
But going public with such accusations is highly unusual. Mr. Ayyadurai circulated his paper not just to the agency’s scientists but to journalists, and wrote about his situation to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. India is “sitting on a huge opportunity” to create new businesses and tap into thousands of science and technology experts, Mr. Ayyadurai said, but a “feudal culture” is holding the country back.
Mr. Brahmachari said in an interview that Mr. Ayyadurai had misunderstood nearly everything — from his handwritten job offer, which he said was only meant to suggest what Mr. Ayyadurai could receive were he to be hired, to the way Mr. Ayyadurai asked scientists for their feedback on what the C.S.I.R. spinoff should look like.
To prove his point, Mr. Brahmachari, who was two hours late for an interview scheduled by his office, read from a government guide about decision-making in the organization. Mr. Ayyadurai didn’t follow protocol, he said. “As long as your language is positive for the organization I have no problem,” he added.
As the interview was closing, Mr. Brahmachari questioned why anyone would be interested in the situation, and then said he would complain to a reporter’s bosses in New York if she continued to pursue the story.
Thanks Giving is here and my entire neighborhood is empty. There are no cars and all the apartments are dark. Soon it will be Christmas, and few more people will be gone!
I am thankful, that until now, none of my Christmas or New Year, was as white, as its going to be this year.
In preparation for the days to come, In honor of the days that are going to be over very soon!
Sholay 2009 ! With only Basanti and Bonita :) no Jai - and no Verru
My last single ;) Bday as a student, as an unemployed, as a PhD candidate.. THIS Bday was special.. Thanks to Bonita... for everything.. hopefully by next year I will have lot of new tags and adjectives to add to myself ..
Thanks Mical..love u for everything and the wonderful evening..
The moments stay frozen in time with me for ever.. in my Silver Pensive :) Tanu Blotter
I was on a self imposed break from computer, email, and everything since Thursday after submitting all the corrections and entire thesis to my prof.
As much I wanted to have a blast during the break, I could not! I got more bored than ever for not having anything to work or worry about, despite the range of reading and watching I did over last 4 days!
From Obama and Michelle's - Portrait of an American Marriage, Arctic Conservation, Fourth World War to Enigma of 2012, left me more worn out than I intended.
My brain was jumping from one topic to another as kept switching from one topic to another. An ideal weekend of nothing but sleeping and reading, but with a constant nagging 'What do I do now? I want to defend'. Though the reading, made the weekend idle but the constant nagging, made the idle no-relaxing!
It told me something that I had not thought about. I think I cannot 'Not Work' ! As much as I am looking forward to a break after my PhD, my experience over these last couple of days suggests it to be a bad idea!
Having said that, there are lot of things or To Do things going in my head. Some I am very clear about, while others remaining vague. One thing very evident out of all my To Do's is, I don't want to do something, I do not feel very strongly about. And that needs to conveyed politely with affirmation; and something I don't feel passionate about, I cannot even apply!
Clear and Crisp, though a double edged sword helps me remain in focus and on target. And I need to do that. Will take a stab today or tomorrow. As of now FOCUS is the target and finishing is the goal, ASAP.
A VERY RELEVANT POST FOR ME, written by Roshan. I had to archive it here for two reasons
1. Clear focus and goal is what we need in life 2. An example on how to utilize your talent to solve world problems given the situation, if you want to. Do your best.
Thanks a lot Roshan for the research and the links. Tanu
*************** In Roshan's Words - Here is the link to his blog
The chart of the yield of wheat in developing countries looks so amazing. One person who deserves the credit for this is Norman Borlaugh. It’s sad that he passed away over the weekend. The world, especially India and Pakistan, seemed to have forgotten this great soul. But for him the “Green Revolution” in the 60s and 70s would not have been possible. His obituary must have been frontline headline news all over the world, but not much was said about him.
India and Pakistan not only fought a war during 1965, but also fought a stiff competition in acquiring Borlaugh’s limited stock of high yield variety of wheat from Mexico. Exporting out of Mexico via United States on the sea route ran into trouble because of Mexican border patrol and US customs. It is said India chartered Boeing 707s to import 16 thousand metric tons of wheat from Mexico before Pakistan did. Meanwhile a misspelling in Pakistan’s check delayed their shipment. Borlaugh and his team members in India and Pakistan are said to have literally worked close to the battlegrounds where the war was fought. Despite all the hurdles and skirmishes, both India and Pakistan became self sufficient in food production towards the end of 60s and Borlaugh was awarded the Nobel peace prize for his outstanding work in India and Pakistan in the year 1970.
It is interesting to note that Borlaugh, an American, did all his work in developing countries during a period that saw a boom in American economy. That means he could have possibly found a good job in the US, and lead a comfortable life. But he chose otherwise. Environmentalists opposed his idea of intensive cultivation that used genetically modified plants and inorganic fertilizers. This is what he had to say to them – “Some of the environmental lobbyists of the Western nations are the salt of the earth, but many of them are elitists. They've never experienced the physical sensation of hunger. They do their lobbying from comfortable office suites in Washington or Brussels. If they lived just one month amid the misery of the developing world, as I have for fifty years, they'd be crying out for tractors and fertilizer and irrigation canals and be outraged that fashionable elitists back home were trying to deny them these things.”
What can we learn from this great personality?
• Have a core purpose in life, make it a vision and execute it – Borlaugh’s core purpose was to eliminate hunger. He did his best by helping produce more food.
• Prepare to sacrifice – Borlaugh gave up the comfortable life and worked hard in the fields in rural areas of developing countries where the amenities weren’t that good.
• Think about how you can use your knowledge, talent and creativity to solve a world problem – Borlaugh was an expert in plant pathology and genetic sciences. He applied it effectively to cultivate high yielding varieties.
• Have team of people that follows you and you lead them – Borlaugh had teams of students and partners in the scientific community to help him. He could not have done the green revolution alone. M.S. Swaminathan is one such scientist in Borlaugh’s team who carried along his ideas and experiments in India.
• It’s OK not to get recognition. Just focus on your job – Even though Borlaugh received Nobel prize in 1970, he did not get the recognition that he rightly deserved in his home country. He got US Congressional Medal in 2006. Shouldn’t he have gotten it in the 70s?
• There are always hurdles to your plans. Have a strategy to deal with them – Environmentalists lobbied against his revolutionary ideas. As a result his dream of setting a Green Revolution in Africa drew flak from Rockefeller and Ford foundations. However, he did continue his project with other anthropologists like Sasakawa and Jimmy Carter.
Yes, that's exactly what made me go for my PhD, when the idea to examine how the Terai landscape has changed, dawned in my mind. It was not very challenging, but the idea to be able to see how an area has changed over past year made me absolutely fall in love with it.
A feeling nothing less than, Love at first sight.
I have been looking for quite sometime on the next mission. I have ideas and questions that I want to address next, but I don't know how, where, when and with whom. I still don't know.
But I experienced the same feeling that I had years back after discussing some of my current ideas with Dr. Mark Brusson, HOD Environmental Sciences. If there is something I really want to do next, is working on it.
I don't know myself a lot, but if there is something I absolutely know about myself is 'passion'. I have to feel really strongly about something for me to be able to get involved with it. Be it an idea or a person. It's the same. And I feel so with this next idea. And I need to feel it with same intensity every time I think about it. Only then it tells me if I really want it. If it fizzles out in between then I know, I won't survive it. And hence I won't get into it.
I can feel my heart throbbing, I can feel the sparks going in my head thinking about all the possibilities and questions we can explore.
WOW!
It was just not me. Mark was equally excited and interested, and that motivated me further. If only we had the dollar's to start it.
In times of depression and recession I need kicks like this to be able to keep going. It tells me all is not lost. It helps me focus, regain control over my life and be on track. I think I should go and discuss my ideas with someone every week. It keeps my inspiration alive.
It's the same feeling, that I have when I go over some ideas with my good friend, Kshitiz. We are from different fields but there is a huge overlap and the possibilities are unlimited.
Kashmira, I think am unable to make my point clear here either because I am not a good writer or because we have different expectation, from the country and its people, including me and you.
I will give it one more try with examples -
I am not comfortable with the idea that if I am stuck alone in a railway station at night I do not have access to any system where I can call and seek help. If somehow I managed to get hold of a constable to ask for help, I regret it to find out that he is drunk himself.
I am not comfortable when I'm traveling by myself in AC-2 tier and I have bunch of drunken men next to me ogling, and I feel helpless that i cannot reach a secure system that can throw those men down from the train coz they are breaking the law of drinking at a public place.
Fortunately, I have survived both the situations. In both cases I was up whole night, and on guard. Thankfully my phone was working and I was talking to my family thought I was in a hotel!
I don't know whom to blame for this fear - the system as in the govt. or just those people, who have accepted it as the way of life and do not expect the basic security or feel the need to respect law or be responsible either.
Yes, life is still going on and will probably go on and I wonder how many people each day are joining the crowd who eventually give in to corruption, law breaking and bribery as the normal and only way of life.
I am positive that there are still many good people who are fighting everyday to stick to their principle and leading a normal life, but none of those people, are among the people who are leading the country.
And that bother's me.
Every society works on the principle of 'Top-Down' its never 'Bottom-Up'. Whatever happens in the top trickles down to the bottom. That's the basic principle of life and flow. And I am not happy with what has been trickling down for last 60 years. I do not accept it and I will not support or blindly accept that everything is fine!
I form the bottom of this society. I cannot turn around the system. I can only leave a positive mark hoping that it remains positive in future and ripples a positive circle around it.
There is a big problem in the attitude and mindset of people. And I have a right to say or take a stand on what is wrong. If I can do something about fixing it, great. If, not I can atleast take a stand and say, what is wrong is wrong. Period.
And the fixing, by each individual is done in their own way, in their daily life by following whatever they believe in or they abide by and if they believe in fixing in the first place. But again fixing at an individual level can only ensure few fixed points here and there at the bottom line. It won't help in the long run.
It's not a working principle to take a step forward. If one has to step forward you have to get up, stand on your feet and leap forward. THAT'S it. Simple principle of walking.
And that's not what we have been doing all these years. We have been sitting, lazing around and talking for past 100 - 200 years!
With few people here and there from the bottom taking the effort to walk! But not ONE effort from the TOP towards the goal of walking.
And that's my problem.
Do let me know if I could make my point. If not, then I guess, I just do not have the ability to convey my thoughts.
Tanu
**" the comment was too big to read in the comment section. Do get back. I want to know if I was able to make my point or not? If I fail to convey my thoughts to you, then I need to work more towards conveying my thoughts on this issue in future" :) ****
After hearing the health insurance debate in the evening.. I got reminded of things I do not like about this country.
Their health care system!
Having said that, Health Care System is something I am very proud about India. If only we could market it well and make India the world center for all health care facilities, research and services!
HEALTH CARE SERVICES OUTSOURCED TO INDIA !
WOW !
Anyway, back to present, the US.
From the time you realize, you are not well to receiving actual treatment, you would have lost crucial healthy days! Dr's won't touch even if you are dying unless you have the required insurance. And if you are at an emergency then god save you from the wait!
I am fortunate to have never fallen sick here in last 6 years. But I have seen friends suffer due to the health care system here. Be it minor problems like stomach ache, soar throat or an emergency situation.
And my take is, remain healthy if you are in US!
Having said that, I have to be honest about accepting that I was feeling very unhappy after writing the previous post on Why I like Amerika. It's because appreciation is always done on a relative scale. You are always comparing it to something else. And I was comparing it to my country. A discomfort for indirectly accepting honestly what I do not like about my country.
It's very hard to criticize about something you care about. And even harder to accept that its not doing the best. It's like parents with spoilt undisciplined unruly kids walking towards their own destruction or on the wrong path. It's like accepting bad qualities. And who likes that!
I don't!
I have to balance it by showcasing some good things, I cherish in my memory. Cultural and Ethenic diversity is something that I remind myself during such moments. Natural beauty and the rich history. But I can't go further. Unfortunately I have to always look into the past to re-paint the picture green. And I guess that's partly the problem too.
We have been living in our past. And hence have never moved forward. Never really looked around to see what's happening in rest of world and awaken our conscious to be righteous, honest, respectful, proud and loved towards the self, not for the past BUT for the present. The present we are living in, the present we are going to leave behind for the future. A present where we do not need a recognition from anybody but ourselves, from fellow cit izens, from within , from every soul for being able to offer the best not only to ourselves but to every living soul around, and also to the world.
WOW! Will I ever see experience that pride in my life time?
An altruistic feeling, that I am doing good and I want to make sure that my neighbors are doing good as well. And every 'I' in the society believes in the same. It's not UTOPIAN. Life in Logan has been this way. I don't know if the whole of US is same but definitely the small town I have lived in has been this way from the day I landed.
I don't lock the door to my apartment or my car ever. I have been returned my wallet with everything intact more than 10 times! And it's for real.
I will possibly never get over my dissatisfaction of things I am unhappy about at home. I will probably never be able to see the India I dream of, but I hope I never give up on an opportunity to do something or make a difference or loose the tiny bit that still throbs inside me!
God Bless America. And let some blessing be outsourced to India, too!
I guess, this answer's Alex, question on ' Why do you blog?' Self Talking, was my reply!
For the Freedom, Honesty, Love for themselves and the Security this country provides it citizen or anyone who wants to live here or has lived here even as a student.
What does every child while they are growing?
Love and Security from their parents. The thought that No, matter what my parents won't give up one me! They will stand by me.
It is the same feeling that grows beyond your parents, to your extended family, your wife, your husband, your friends, your society and eventually to your country.
No matter what, 'They won't give up'.
You grow up with this idea and belief. It's your pillar and strength, which eventually becomes your motivation and inspiration to ' Give Back'. It becomes the major driver to survive and glide through all the challenges.
Now what happens, when one fine day you wake you and realize the people you loved, you believed and admired are don't really love you, Don't really care for you! They are there for their own selfish motives. And the moment it is achieved they will move on!
You feel orphaned! You feel deceived! You feel homeless!
It's a terrible feeling.
I have been feeling homeless since last year, 26/11 !
The closer I get to the end of my journey or stay in America, I feel I have no where to go to! I feel homeless. I feel orphan.
This is where the society and the civilian meet.
When I came to the US, I came with a dream a passion, of doing something for India. I cannot describe in words how much it meant to me. It led me to do my PhD study in India. I went with all odds and hardships to be able to go back and work in India. Inspite of being aware of all the fallacies in my backyard, I had a HOPE. And I knew deep down inside, that One day I want to come back. And work towards a better India.
No doubt, that with every trip back to India, I have lost a bit of that passion. But it was never hopeless. It never died until, the last nail on 26/11.
That was the day - I LOST IT, COMPLETELY. I WAS AND I AM TRULY HOPELESS.
Today, when I am at the crossroad to decide where I want to be and where I want to contribute, the answer I get from within is - Do I have a choice?
I always believed in giving back to the system that has made me who I am. I am who I am for my parents. I am who I am, for the love and affection they have given me, for their trust and support. And I want to give it back to them.
Everything I do in my life is directed towards eventually making them happy and comfortable for the rest of their life. And I want to do it not only for them but for the future, my children, my cousin, my younger generation, to a new life, to the future. I want to give them the best. I want to give them what I did not get.
But can I do it in India?
I don't know. I feel homeless!
Yes, I can for sure take care of my parents and give them all the happiness they deserve. But when I look forward to the future, I am deeply hurt. And I cannot say and 'Yes' to what I have to offer to them. I cannot give them, what I see today. I cannot give them what I have in my backyard.
I cannot promise them the freedom, love, and security that I saw in somebody else's backyard. It will be a lie. A lie that will never come true!
Do I need to move to a new backyard?
May be yes.
WOW! I never realized the need to have a different backyard until last year!
Do I have a chance ?
*************** I don't know. I guess 'TIME' will present with an answer by itself. Could not stop myself from not thinking about as US remembers and reminds the rest of the world about 9/11 !
Many studies have suggested that Women are more left brained and Men are more right brained. What this means is that, the performance of left brain in women is better than their right brain and vice versa. Some are however, more whole brained and equally adeot at both modes.
Left brain focus area - logical thinking, analysis, accuracy, rational, objective, looks at parts, verbal, focused, dog lovers, prefer classical music, organised, thinks better when sitting, Preferred job - Scientist, Mathematician,
Right brain focus area - random, intuitive, holistic, subjective, looks at whole, cat lovers, good at multi-tasking, enjoy clowning, rock music people, creative, thinks better when lying down, good at sport, good organisers, dreamy, philosophical, spontaneous, unpredictable, Preferred job - Wildlifer, Forest Ranger, Artist, Politican
I wonder, which one am I? Or am I the lucky, Whole Brained?
I like it better when am 'Practicle and Rational', 'Object Oriented' unlike my 'Emotional Self'
Yeah, finally made some progress in the 'Last' but not the least.
I don't know why I was just not able to get to it. May be am bored or may be am just not interested. As I don't know what's next!
I hate this uncertain phase. Last time I witnessed this uncertainty, I just completed my Master's and I was like OK, what next? I knew I wanted to do a PhD but then I also knew I did not want to do it on 'Habitat Ecology'. I wanted to do something different, something more convincing for myself, something I am more passionate about. Something that I feel I am in absolute love with.
Finally, in one weekly seminar at WII, it happened. Love at first sight, rather thought. I had already started working on the 'Hog Deer Survey Project' and I was traveling all over the Indian Terai, from Punjab to Arunachal Pradesh, witnessing the change in grasslands and hog deer population. I wanted to evaluate the change within the Indian Terai, under a single window. And how does the view from the window change with time? What does it mean for the surviving species? What does it mean for the future?
As these thoughts rambled in my brain, I ran into Advait's presentation on his PhD Pre-project and I knew what I wanted to do, followed by trip to Cambridge and the discussion with Stuart Pimm.
Yes, that was IT. And I fell in love with a question, that has driven me all these years.
Today, I have the answers to these questions and possibly more questions. But am still not it love with any of those questions. I mean I like them and they are interesting, but something is missing.
I am waiting for an idea, a question, a thought to ignite the same fire, for the following journey.
For now, I know what I am looking for and what I want, but the passion is lacking. I know am there, but still not there. Hence wait and watch. And while I do that, I am moving on with last but not the least.
And with every step and every day, I am learning more and more !
Let the learning continue, guiding me to the right path to the right answers.
Mean while, a miracle happened few days back, and I cannot deny the existence of HE WHO MUST BE NAMED ! I Call him GOD, LOVE, LIFE and FAITH. And I love it when he shows his existence through such incidents.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, I OWE YOU A BIG ONE FOR THIS MIRACLE.
I dreamt of vultures today. I don't know what it meant, but I did not wake up happy, as I usually Do. It was sad. May be it's got something to do with last nights conversation. I am not sure though. But whatever it IS/WAS both left a disappointing and weird feeling. And I want to get rid of it. So I have to take it out on you !!
Few notes to myself -
1. I am happy the way I am. I do not need to change to get something, and more importantly I don't want to change. 2. A date is not a friend! 3. Keep safe distance. 4. I am incapable of playing games. 5. I do not want to be with someone who thinks I have ran out of options and that he has many options. 6. DELETED 7. I do not want a "DELETED" for myself. 8. I want to be with a man who is emotional, can confront his emotions and take a stand. 9. I have got over a major blockage about going out with someone. I don't care about IT anymore. !!! 10. I do not think linearly anymore. Like>>Friends>>Love>>Romance>>Marriage>>Sex. Either of this can happen irrespective of the past or the future. 11. Emotional Me OUT, Practical Me, IN. 12. Dating for most is just fun. REMEMBER...It's a time filler, a weekend hang out partner, after you have ran out of your hobbies and what you want to do with yourself. 13. Life can be lonely but I am not scared of it anymore, anyway. I know how to stay happy. 14. Do not read too much into things, unless spelt out in words with voice!! 15. If I feel something I feel, if the feeling is reciprocated, good, NICE. If not, move on. 16. It does not need a PhD to FEEL for someone or figure out if you feel anything for someone or not! What is important is how long that feeling stays, or how often it returns. 17. Never lead in a relationship..never spend time or money on guy, unless asked for.
Thoughts : But then I do not like men who think only Men need to lead. I like to take the lead when I like something. But men are not used to it. They like to be the leader. So either I let the other person lead and let him be the man or the winner, or end up as a loner :( ! I have only two options.
Problem : Will I like a man like that? Will I be able to love him? I don't think so !!!!!
Conclusion : I might just end up staying with my dog, cats, rats.. and frogs, collected over time !!!!! Can this be true?? NO, I don't think so, and I don't believe it to be. There is always an exception to all social norms...And this exception will be MINE.. I know it.. Patience
I have not written or visited myself here for a while. Some recent developments kept me off for a while, but I think they taken care of for now. Noteworthy among the developments are
1. That am left with the last main paper. And am having huge struggle to finish it. I think I should just pull myself together and somehow finish it. And avoid any distraction. Any comfort at this stage is only a distraction from the last steep climb. I have to hold myself together for this last mile. Phew!
2. Mical got married and I had a good time. I must confess that I was judgmental about something at the wedding which I should not have been. My mistake. Thankfully I did not share it with anyone and I hope not to do repeat it again. And pulling off such a wedding single-handed in US is very challenging. Hat's off to her for doing it.
3. I got over a big blockage in my life. I took a huge step in fixing something. I don't know at this point if it was for good or bad, but am trying to change 'IT' about myself. And I want to remain guilt free at the end of this transformation.
4. Had a full 3 hrs chat with my major advisor couple of weeks back which gave lot of strength, conviction, direction and hope.
5. Mom and Dad left to India and now I miss them more intensely than when they were here in Canada
6. Last but not the least, take me down the path that is right and best for me.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but over past few days I am having strange dreams.
Yesterday was the most exciting or adventurous.
I was in middle of a river or canal I think, on a boat. While I was crossing it, all of a sudden there were some monkeys that started jumping from no where. I am never really scared of animals. But in the dream I was scared. On asking them, (YAH them) - who are you?
It turned out they are Bonobo Monkeys!
Until this morning when I checked for the name on google I did not know that Pygmy Chimpanzees are called Bonobo Monkeys! I don't know where and how I figured out that name in my dream.
So I was with Bonobo Monkeys until I discovered that I have been kidnapped by Bonobo Monkeys, instead of me being there to study them. One particular individual was very interesting. It kept looking at me and trying to touch my nose followed by touching his own nose. By then I had realized that I have been kidnapped hence I was not very sure what he was upto in his mind.
They came my theory of ugly truth splashing in my mind. And I was shit scared. Man these are monkeys. God knows what they are thinking. Just to feel at home and confuse them I started showing my teeth and lip smacking as chimps do..
And that got more Bonobo monkeys staring at me and touching my nose ... with first Bonobo monkey trying to stop them or lead them. I was not sure.
That was it. I screamed - What the F*@(#&@(#@( ? They all disappeared !
And I was in logan appartment, staring at the roof :) and smiling.. to myself. I was about to sleep when I remembered the nose of the First Bonobo monkey. So cute.
I have never been a big fan of cooking unlike eating, :)
Anyday I prefer eating over cooking. However over time for survival needs I had to learn cooking as eating out is not the best survival method. So I was talking to Shyam the other day and he suggested that I start writing about my experiments. It was worth giving a thought to this advice, since I will have a record of what I made and what I did to make it. Since none of my dishes (or whatever I cook) ever turns out like the previous.
The basic principle behind anything I cook is - simple, straight forward, easy, QUICK !
These days you get almost everything in half cooked stage. For e.g., MTR or GITS dosa or idli powder. And I take full advantage of the half done things. I personally prefer MTR over any other south Indian brand.
I get the cravings of eating good once in a while and I need to eat it right then. Hence I do not have too much room for starting from scratch. So packaged half cooked things ZINDABAAD.
Ok, so here is a quick recovery of my memory of Mega Idli's and chatnii. I had already cooked sambar day before yesterday while making dosa. So will go over it when I write about dosa. For now only Idli and chattni -
1. Mix the MTR Idli powder with water and curd in th emorning while having tea.
2. When you come back at home in the evening, mix the above thing once again. Add some fresh corriander and curry leaves for the flavor if you want.
3. Pour the whole thing in plastic tupperware dishes and microwave it for 6 mins. Depending on your tupporware size and shape you can have square, round or oval idli's of different size. My Idli's were as big as the red bowl in which I cooked them :)
4. As the idli gets cooked in the microwave, get grinded coconut (available again in packet)
5. Unfreeze it in the microwave for 1 min. Put the amount you want into the mixer. Add dhaniya chattni (available in bottle), add 1 - 2 green chilly as the chatni already has some in it, few roasted groundnut (I microwave these too), Salt and lemon. Mix it well. Your chattni is ready in 1 min.
6. Tadka to the chutney - In oil and ghee, fry red chilly, hing, methi seeds, mustard seeds, currey leaves. Fry it just enough to get the smell of curry leaves. And before it burns off pour the whole thing in the coconut chutney mix. Your chuttney is READY :)
The whole thing does not take more than 15mins to get ready :) And you can have a full fledged south Indian meal ready for you after a long day.. without much effort and having to wasting money to eat out.
************* How different does this taste from making idli/dosa starting from scratch?
Dosa, tastes different. But Idli tastes the same. This way or other way. So I will stick with this method for Idli for sure.
Last night I went to meet Rahel, Mical's sister who is here for her wedding on 1st August. We have spoken a couple of times but we met finally yesterday.
Anyway so back to what I wanted to write..
I had my early dinner on returning from gym and decided to drop into their place on my way to school. They were cooking dinner for Daniel's family who were arriving at mid night. I had salad for dinner and some bread rolls. ISo, it was quite difficult to resist the traditional Erythrian food they were cooking - Red, Green, White colored gravy with meat and vegetables...
" SLURP SLURP.... "
Mical and Rahel asked me to come back for dinner but at time I was too full and politely denied the offer. I had to came back to school and finish few things. So anyway I got back in time for work. Little did I know that a devil had tagged along with me from there house!
Yah, right about an hour from their house the aroma of Erythrian food secrelty rose from my fleece and made way into my salivary gland through my nostrils and my mouth was watering for food. I had snap shots the red and whitish green curry with carrots and potatoes floating in it, calling for me - Tanu, come come, eat us !!!!
JEZZzz, never had I felt so greedy! The salad had digested long before. May be right at their place. And I was hungry as if I had not eaten for days.
After that whatever I did was in response to satisfy my tounge and those freaking glands. They just went bonkers. Even before I realised, I was at the drive-in of CARL's Junior ordering for Spicy Chicken Sandwitch and French Fries!
And before I came back to school for work, the packet was empty!
Right then I knew, the next morning (today) is going to be lazy, slow, and bad. And I am going to feel terrible for eating so late.
And I was right. But the damage was already done. I came home in 30mins to sleep early to digest the late night double dinner of unhealthy food !!!
And now at noon, am blogging about it!!!
GLUTTON! Curious case of Tanu Glutton and the Fleece!
Moral of the story, never wear a fleece to a place where people are cooking delicious food. It can be physically damaging and quite challenging to resist!
Make friends, Make bubbles, Make cake, Make food... . .
Bla Bla...
Not that I cannot make the above but for me the best is to 'Make Laugh' :)
I actually feel depressed and sad, when I cannot make people laugh.
I need to give my daily dose of 'Make Laugh' to people.. be it friends around or online :) BUT I HAVE TO DO IT...
It's like Nike - Do it !
And I hate it when life takes out that freedom from me, for a while !
Was talking to one of my very best friend.. and I came up with this one liner to flirt :)
Pick Me, Click Me, Stick to Me, then Educate Me !
Shared it with Kshitiz immediately as it was borrowed directly from his Child Welfare Project :) with some modification from the self ! And I literally heard him laugh aloud :)
Nike - Do It, moment achieved :) This is Rony's snap.
After watching Half Blood Prince I could not resist not grabbing the last fat book from J K Rowling and read it again.. I just wanted the movie to continue further.. and hence am with my fav. series.. :)
I don't know about others but to me HBP was a really well made movie. It has more parallels to the book than the other movies had.
Hope the last book is made properly and not rushed..
Few interesting updates..
1. Went Canoe racing at First dam - my partner Sis was too excited.. and wanted to really compete and win the race. I was there more for fun. Our canoe toppled and we fell into the water - SPLASH !! As much I enjoyed getting doused in water.. I hated my feet touching the slimy gooy murky algae underneath
2. Two weeks back went Jet skiing at bear lake. It was FUN. I made it at 55miles per hr on the scooty. Want to try water skiing next. Swam in bear lake. It appeared harder than swimming in the pool.
3. Got my Govinda jeans fixed :)
4. Drove around in Saltlake city without hitting anyone.. and took 30 odd minutes to find Gateway Mall !
5. Few more fun trips in pipeline for the coming months. Shall write as I get done with them.
Yah.. I had a new realization couple of days back.. I felt I never really accepted the mistakes I have committed in my life hence have never regretted anything till now..
I always felt and believed that whatever happened for the best, and I moved on.
No matter, that things possibly happened for the best but there is no justification for not accepting that I did and have committed big mistakes in my life. I did those mistakes because I either did not know the full story, or I trusted people easily, or I was not critical and above all I never realized until the moment passed that am committing a mistake.
I think its important to realize, understand and above all accept our mistakes with complete acceptance only then, may be we can and will learn not to make them again.
I must say, I have gathered lot of wisdom over past years about life. And it was necessary to fix me. No body is perfect and hence neither am I. I have my short comings and hence committed those mistakes. And I DO REGRET committing them.
I feel an inch taller after gracefully accepting the mistakes I have made. And I promise am never going commit those mistakes again.
Yes, I do regret having committed those mistake, but I for sure know am never going to do them again. I have never ever told this to myself until yesterday in these years. And I think this needed a mention or a note in my diary.
With that note.. bye bye for now.. see you soon..
this week is Harry Potter TIME :)
My Half Blood Prince is in town :) muuuuuuuuaaaaaaaah
Recently I shifted from Desi Tea to Green Tea and I love it..
Its light, refreshing.. and very relaxing.
Here are my collections of Quotes from my Yogi tea bags... ( I need to take a snap of them though) But for now this is good..
1. Old age needs wisdom and Grace (this was today's and hence I thought I might write it down) 2. Oneness is achieved by recognizing your self (yesterday) 3. Open up to infinity and you become infinity (.. don't know the days anymore) 4. Love your soul 5. Man is as vast as he acts 6. Love what is ahead by loving what has come before (this was the one when I first noticed these quotes) 7.Your destiny is to merge with infinity (... and i started collecting them)
I am going to make something out of my first GREEN Tea Bags :)
I watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S these days... everyday.. while having dinner...
Its like my treat... I got delayed today and watched two episodes...
I am liking the silence and solitude again ..
Right when I thought this... and appreciated..Rick had to say this..
"Although this might be your day to return to work, it also offers you a bit of solace that may have previously been elusive. You might have a feeling of isolation, even in the midst of others. Fortunately, your current aloneness can be reassuring, for it offers you space to think about an unresolved issue without having to report every thought back to someone else. Enjoy the solitude while you can, for it won't last very long"
I am liking the silence for real..
Solitude really helps to fix my scatter brain ...
I wonder these days - Am I capable of staying or breaking or giving up this solitude?
Few interesting insights or notes -
1. Never date someone you like when you are not up for anything serious. 2. You can see the hard work people DO put.. 3. Friends can only be Friends. Never Dates. Keep then separate. 4. Don't expect. Do whatever you want to do and move on. 5. I am eating chicken again these days. 6. Fish isn't that bad. After all its good for your skin 7. I get a headache if I don't exercise. Any reason why? 8. I get a headache if I don't eat too. 9. The Yogi tea is really awesome. And I never saw the tiny messages on the tea bag until yesterday. 10. My hair has already grown big. I need to shred... 11. I can sing and listen to 'Tum ho toh' without any lump anywhere :) 12. There will always be someone for you to tell you things that you need to hear in moments of distress. Hence, have faith in life. 13. If the other one is bad, you do your very best to convey your affection. And work on your thoughts before pointing the fingers. It worked with Toy :) am happy. 14. Every new situation has to be dealt with for the first 9 days... then its not a problem. Heard this from a friend. Shall keep a note from hence forth. 15. Am done with IBM :) And am sure this time.
I think I am behaving irrationally and being impractical and immature, for getting affected by something that I have not seen or been with for real!
For most people the idea of love is connected to being with the person, being there for him or her and taking care of him or her, sharing moments of joy and pain, sharing a laugh, a movie, a silly joke, doing things together... wanting to see each other and be with each other... Talk to each other.. making fun of the self.. cracking jokes on other..
FOR REAL.. i mean with the real person...
I happen to miss someone,
I have not met for real.. I have not seen, I have not touched, I have not hugged, I have not shared a movie, I have shared food, I have not shared a silence, I have not shared a walk, I have not shared togetherness, I have not done anything... I have not shared any pain.. I have not acted silly.. I have not made fun... I have not been made fun... Yah, I have spoken, I have talked, I have seen and I have been but virtually, Have shared some laugh because of self imposed 'Bakwaas'
Now doesn't this sound wired! I think it very much does !!
So, I think I should not feel so bad..
Well, rationally though I should not feel so bad, but then rationally I should not have taken it so seriously too..
I should have stuck to mine, NO just friends, policy, like I do with real people..
I think I am wired and have serious problems.. in not knowing where to give the trust and time..
The more I think about it, the problem lies in my head..
I take time in becoming friends with real people.. I mean I don't let them get close to me.. But on the other hand, I gave my trust completely to a person on the other side of the screen, just because I believed THIS IS IT ! I believed it because it so closely matched with what I know will happen to me.. !!!!
Yes, it was close but only superficially. And I failed to notice that, because I was disillusioned by what I saw (no read), interpreted and understood..
I think I must be NUTS, or out of my head.. I don't know where my brain went for these past months!
I think I really have to work on WHAT I BELIEVE. And what I believe need not always be what the other person believes. And that is important to know, understand and note.
I think our interpretation of others is always influenced by our understanding of the self. Things that we cannot think or imagine about ourselves we will never think about others. For e.g, if you a Dr. you expect the other person to be a Dr. (unconsciously); if you are selfish your view of the other will be selfish(unconsciously); if you are happy you will see everyone around happy(unconsciously); if you are bindaas you expect everyone around to be bindaas (unconsciously)., if you are confident you expect the other to be same, if you have no idea of misery you will not expect (understanding hence expectation) misery in other....etc etc...
The more I think about it, the more it gets cleared to me, and less painful it is.. and more silly I find myself...
Yah, I think am behaving out of proportion.. and irrationally... and being SILLY to the power infinity !!
But its OK. It just to Me and Myself. Glad I came to know one more side of me. And I don't regret for what or the way I felt for the unseen. It happens. I did not know this part of my silliness. But now having realised this, I should focus more on the seen and visible range.
Invest your resources in a just way... in the right place... in an appropriate way....
Am glad that none other than a handful people read me here :) I am kinda ashamed of my own siliness. :P !!!
GLOWINGLY BEFKUUF !!! And to add to my silliness I wrote about it on the photoblog !!!
REALLY ashamed now :( !! But thankfully I did not elaborate so much.. so people won't realise the UNSEEN part..
JEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZ... God please save me from future blunders like this!! Thodii akkaal de doo mujhe..
I wonder sometimes why life is so hard ? Or, to be more specific for Me?
Will it ever take a smooth ride or be something that less painful? Will I ever be able to take a step forward again, without fearing of being hurt again?
Why did it happen ? Why did I choose to make it happen? Why did life let it happen? I am so sick and tired of all this!
I fear I have lost the last bit of me that I was holding on to! Since I never gave IT a 2nd thought or any other thought then that it is meant to be! Went through a common space we had, and my heart could not feel anything but love and some bitterness. But I felt the love stronger than the spilled bitterness. Hence I just wrote. But may be that's not the same on the other side.
How can someone claim to be genuine yet not be willing to see the whole picture, look at everything from dawn to dusk, not be willing to hear what their heart says or feels? How can it be that two people who claim to love each other just choose to hurt each other the most? How can it be that two people who claim to like each other could not forgive each others mistakes and move on? How can a connection that existed for real be wiped off in a second? How can someone really love you but at the same time choose to hurt you the most?
I don't know what to believe - the loving, and affectionate side of this person or the hateful and hurting side of the same person?
If I choose to remember the loving and affectionate side, I am left to suffer in pain If I choose to remember the hateful side, I am left with anger.
I cannot live with either. I have to forgive and forget. But then I am split between love and hate. How can I hate a person I loved? I have never been able to do that. Is that the only way out?
May be I don't want to forget the brighter days, wish life was simpler and there was a middle way out.
I REALLY had a HAPPY FRIDAY after long... good food. good wine. good fun. good laugh. good people.. all IN lots...
Except for few most were new.. and all had one thing in common.
BINDAAAASS... CHILL... ENJOY.....
Am really thankful for today.... I guess I had become too serious in life. And it was probably so because of the uncertainties and issues I was dealing with.. If there is one thing I have learnt during my stay in US is do not put all your eggs in ONE basket. And I found another good basket. Now I have two good baskets to carry :)
2nd, life is to enjoy, no matter what! And its in our control to decide on who and what effects us and what does not. Inspite of the inherent role and power of destiny over us, we have the ability to change darkness into sunshine. It's the choices we make. And I have made my choice long time back. Today's party reminded me of that.
I am really thankful for this evening. Love you life for everything that you have offered till now and what you have in store for future.. I r
People miss each other for various reasons. I was thinking about it.. and came up with the following (to add- in if anyone has more)
they miss the fun they used together... they miss the comfortness they shared together... they miss just the being together... they miss just the presence of someone... they miss each others company.. they miss the warmth.. they miss the magic, the sparkle.... they miss the friendship... they miss the tea or food cooked by them.. they miss the ease of just being themselves.. they miss the doing nothing together.. they miss the kindness and gentleness.. they miss the laughter... they miss the affection... they miss the spontaneity.. they miss the care.... they miss the blissful communication in silence.... they miss the home, they know they can go back anytime..
but all these moments are lost when you remember...
their insensitiveness... their harsh words... their brutal behavior... their unkindness... their hardened, deeply piercing words... their opportunistic mode of conduct.. their selfishness...
but .. then... you realize...
you gave them the authority to hurt you, or affect you...
then comes the 'shield' that protects you from being hurt again... and only few, a selected few, very few make a entry back.. but most loose the ability to affect you anymore... The one's that make they entry back, are the ones, you cherish throughout your life...
They become the pillars of your life... while the others just get lost in the journey called life...
I have been avoiding myself the time to think about it.. but it does catch up once in a while, hence it did.
Just remembered something and felt nice.. But at the same time remembered the harsh words.. and did not want to feel anything more..
How could I be so stupid to trust someone so much, I think I will never understand. So I guess, its better I don't think about it.
But I guess, its primarily because I like believing in people, I like to have faith. And I have faith and trust. Hence I have survived everything till now.. and I guess I will..
My parents keep telling me to be careful. But I choose not to. Because I don't want to. Its my personal choice. I just feel happy this way. I cannot be skeptical. I rather believe and give the benefit of doubt, and let the truth come infront on its own with time. I just know, I have to be honest and genuine. And rest life shall take care. Like the previous post - The real you catches up with you. And I thought, that the real ME, has finally caught up with me. But it seems that's not the case.
And hence I did not leave any room for anything else. I don't know if it was right or wrong. All I know is I don't regret it. I had to give, so I gave. I had to stop so I stopped. There is nothing in between.
There was something missing somewhere! At this point I don't know much. May be with time I shall hear or realize more.
Anyways.. I did learn few things.. and life will continue to teach..
I just pray that I will able to find the real ME for real, someday ... and I hope I have not lost it forever...
Came across this nice post.. so archiving it for myself.. to read sometime.. I do agree to most what he wrote... and above all in being simple, honest and genuine.
As long you know you are, the real you will catch up with you. No Matter what ...
1. Aliens visiting me and interacting with me. 2. A whale under a bridge, am on the bridge and the bridge is falling.
I don't know how many times I have dream the same dream over and over since my childhood. The Aliens visiting me I figured out with time that those were aliens, but when I first had the dream I did not know or was not sure what actually they were!
They looked just humans, like me, and people around. But in the dream they would tell me things that would make me think and wonder who they are, why did they say what they said.. and in the dream I would realize that, its an alien. And none of my aliens have been bad as shown in the movies. They have always been friendly.
And the whale, I think I started dreaming about it after reading Moby Dick, and I lived nearby the Farakka Barrage I saw it in the Ganges, :) and since am into thrillers I saw the bridge collapsing and me standing on it. The collapsing bridge part, I guess, was added from the experience I had at Khederpore dock in Kolkata way back in early 80's I think.
Am yet to figure out and understand the origin of my Alien dreams.
But today I had a even more strange dream. I think I know the reason behind it and am going to write about it. As it will make a perfect thriller. Just want to note down the points.
1. Meeting in a railway station 2. 6:20 am 3. Platform 22 4. Airport 5. Escalator 6. Load shedding. 7. Movie Hall 8. Train 9. Separated in time and distance 10. Drink
Am into reading him .. and everyday a page I read I am astonished to know the genius he was..
Was or Has there be a 2nd soul like him in history, I wonder?
A historian, A painter, A scientist, A naturalist, An Engineer, A physicist and above all a philosopher..
The one who discovered about how we see, how the human body works, then women body is most mysterious, the creator for the first human robot, the first to design a flying machine, ...
I used to admire Einstein, but after this introduction for BBC (a great work, I feel) I am just overwhelmed to realize how can there be a human so talented, multifaceted and obsessed with curiosity and passion ..
I have listed down all the books I am going to read on him.....
Few things that I need to expand on later.. I started reading Leonardo Da Vinci life, and its mind blowing ! A Genius indeed.
3. We humans are disillusioned a lot about lot of things and that's entirely due to our 'hormones' 4. The three gods in hindu mythology (Brahma, Vishnu, Maheshwar) should be replaced by PET 5. PET stands for the hormones - Progesterone, Estrogen and Testosterone (the Creator, Maintainer and Destroyer) 6. The one who created us, our essence, our identity, and defines who we are ! 7. A bit unrelated but all men who thought ahead of their time where treated as superhumans in that age and as God in the following age. E.g., Christ, Krishna, Leonadro Da Vinci, Gallelio (the later two are potential gods for the future to come). I wonder these days why it is always men ? I have a theory towards it. Will expand on that later. 8. There is an overacrching universal phenomenon defined by PET that helps us see and realize who we are, where we come from and solves the mystry of life, which is hidden in an unknown 'Black Box' called Brain ! 9. The more you understand your Brain and its driver 'THE PINEAL' gland, also called the Master Gland, you tend to resolve the mystry called Life :) 10. The color yellow and its shade is very important to me. It signifies the presence of an unknown. And as long as I have it, I have everything.
Yes, so that's why I said 'Yellow Yellow Mujhe Jhelo' :)
I have strated writing about PET for real and someday I will share it with the world. These are the snippets that I had to let out for now.
Dad just sent this forward with the words in them.. it reminded me of my childhood days when I used to spend hours in our backyard (Farakka D-3) watching the birds play build their nest, rebuild and rebuild. Every afternoon after coming back from school (KV Farakka) I used to gulp down the food somehow to see if the nests were complete, if they had eggs, if there were babies..
Yah, I was very lucky to be not growing in a city but in a small town with big trees and plenty of sights from nature to cherish. I JUST LOVED IT. I think after birds it used to frogs that I used to follow. Birds were too pretty to hold and catch and they would fly so I could never really catch them. But frogs were slimy, sluggish and lazy.
As a kid I have had a parakeet, a guniea pig, streets dogs and lot of cats as pets. As a wildlifer I had a squirrel, a snake, a leech, a spider, a preying mantis as a pet. Most of these creatures recoverd half dead or injured and I nurtured them till could or till they choose to stay. Those that survived the shock were released back. And I used to love observing them. Unfortuantely the once I found in wild never built their house in front of me but I gathered my love and passion for them from my backyard 20 years back in Farakka watching the 'Birds'
I grew up in a small town called Farakka. It was almost a village when we first moved there. We landed there on a summer morning quite pleasant than the kolkata I was used to till then. I remember my first sight of the township was very exciting. I had never seen such big trees at reachable distance. I had never seen unpaved roads. I had never seen huts for real or paddy field. We first lived in C3 then after two years moved to the D-complex, D3. That's where my life changed as we had a huge back yard with jamun, guava, banana, lime trees. There were lot of flowering plants too but jamun and guava were my favorite as I could climb and play for real. I used to have a tree house in my head and I used to imagine myself staying in it, when for real i just sat on a branch and chewed some raw guava's I guess ! I used to sit their quietly and wait for birds to come. Offcourse they never came till I sat there unless it was the ripening time for guava and jamun :) And it was my paradise. I did not know the name of the colorful birds I saw. But I remember seeing a beautiful yellow bird. Later when I went to Wildlife Insitute of India, and had my first binocular, I saw my yellow bird first in Salim Ali's 'Birds of Indian Subcontinent' then for real in our campus. I recognized them right away. It was a pair of Golden Oriole (Oriolus oriolus). It might sound stupid, but I felt I saw the pair I saw in my backyard. It felt as if they came to tell that I am on track. It felt God sent. I cannot explain the feeling. But something divine, when I knew deep down its was not the same pair I used to see in our backyard. But seeing something I saw in 1988 again in 1997 was like a rebounding of something deep within me. And I knew it then I am doing what I am meant to do. And that's the first time I felt the touch or presence of something beyond me, guiding me. The presence of an unknown, the universe, a faith, a vision was born. I saw it. I felt it. I lived through it. I can only remember and re-experience it. But I cannot define it. And honestly I do not want to describe it either. But that's how it all started. My journey into the Wild, my journey with the Unknown. The unknown force still resides with me in everything I do. It touches me every time I go back to nature, every time I hear something close to what I heard in 1984. It was bliss. It will always be. My first and foremost love and passion. Something that came from within.
I have never written about the Golden Orioles but they were the one's who used to visit my backyard and I used to so wish that they make a nest in the guava or jamun tree, but they never did. They only came to eat the fruits. And t hey came only thrice. I waited and waited but I never saw them again until in 1997. I did manage to find nest in my backyard in the jamun tree. But it was too far for me to see if they had eggs in it. But often I used to see a Cuckoo . Hence I knew it was a living nest. Later I came to know that Cuckoo's are parasites. They take over the nest of other birds and the baby cuckoo ends up throwing the eggs of its original occupants as it keeps growing. Yah, sad but true ! Survival of the fittest.
There was one small nest in the Bedana tree too, but I disturbed it with my excitement and chased away its owners.
But then came the Baya Beavers at Wildlife Institute in the reeds. The Orioles lead me to the beavers and the beavers led me to where I am today. A journey, I am proud of. A journey that got reminded today and I will always remember.
I never knew then that what I saw in my backyard would give me the strength in life too. Had I not grown up in Farakka, had I not studied Ecology or Nature, Had I not seen the hardship and perseverence the animals and birds have, I don't think I would have survived the harsh weather in my life.
Every now and then there are hail storms and snow storms here and there. But I have decided to stay PUT and not GIVE UP.
NEVER SAY NO. It was ONLY in 2003 that I uttered the word 'THE END' in my life. Thanks to my parents and Avanti who stood by me and helped me to rebuild my life.
These snaps reminded me of a journey I have survived and that I will make it. No matter what! I will MAKE IT .
Today or Tommorrow.
Thanks Bapi for reminding me the backyard of D3, the essense of my life.
I LOVE YOU LIFE FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME AND WILL CONTINUE CELEBRATING EVERY DAY OF IT ..
... 40 ounce 'Bindaas'; 20 ounce 'Optimistic';15 ounce 'Enthusiastic';15 ounce 'Crazy';5 ounce 'Conditioned to sadness'; and rest....'Random error'!![:D]
self nicknamed as 'BAKWAAS" :)
enjoy every moment you spend in my 'Bindaas' world..love - Tanu
It might sound stupid, but I felt I saw the pair I saw in my backyard. It felt as if they came to tell that I am on track. It felt God sent. I cannot explain the feeling. But something divine, when I knew deep down its was not the same pair I used to see in our backyard. But seeing something I saw in 1988 again in 1997 was like a rebounding of something deep within me. And I knew it then I am doing what I am meant to do. And that's the first time I felt the touch or presence of something beyond me, guiding me. The presence of an unknown, the universe, a faith, a vision was born. I saw it. I felt it. I lived through it. I can only remember and re-experience it. But I cannot define it. And honestly I do not want to describe it either. But that's how it all started. My journey into the Wild, my journey with the Unknown. The unknown force still resides with me in everything I do. It touches me every time I go back to nature, every time I hear something close to what I heard in 1984. It was bliss. It will always be. My first and foremost love and passion. Something that came from within.
