A Full Circle - Timbaktoo's Uno Life

A Full Circle
Camp – Jaldapara Wildlife Sanctuary, North Bengal, India
Date 14th Oct 2006

(A declaration : Thanks to those who already commented on this post. I don't know if it sounded like a brag, but there are many people like me with their stories yet to be told to everybody. Visit ORKUT-WII communities, WII, and NCF websites. There lies a plethora of self motivated and inspired people. I am just lucky to have known them as my seniors. My blog and this post is dedicated to all those who have inspired me through their books and in person to be what I am, where I am, and to share my toughts with the least distortion (Michael L. Lewis - Inventing Global Ecology) .

Oct 1994 was the first time I came to Jaldapara Wildlife Sanctuary after my +2, and the only possible career options of JEE, IIT’s, AIIMS, AFMC!! along with Leena and my family. This was followed by a longer stay for 6 months stay right within the heart of the sanctuary at the Jaldapara Range from Oct. 1998 during my ‘Wild’ masters on ‘Life’, from Dehradun. Eight years later today I am re-visiting the sanctuary again for pursuing a Permanent Head Damaged (refer to older posts :)).

Those years when Cable connection had just kicked in, I used to be glued to the Idiot box from morning till evening watching any crap that was aired. Some how by mistake I came across National Geographic, one evening, and saw a female staying and living in the forests of Africa for years. I did not know who she was or what was she doing in Gombe Reserve Forest, Africa. All I remembered ever since I saw her on NG was the scene where they showed her typing her thesis sitting inside a wooden house with lots of books, a lamp, type writer, and a fat black notebook. I don’t remember when she became a role model. I was in school when I first saw her. But I always fantasized her, her life and her work.

Her work and books have inspired me to be in forest and search for truth through nature. Einstein of Behavioral Ecology, Jane Goodall studying wild chimps, was the name I always remembered in my trips into wilderness. It was much later into my career that I actually read her and her work on Chimps. Prior to that it was all a FANTACY!! Things you believed you can never do…or may be only in dreams. Sometimes the IDIOT BOX is not as bad as we assume it to be!

Sitting in a wooden log house, surrounded by tropical moist deciduous forest (SAL forests), among birds and wild animals screaming from beyond I believe is a privilege. Technology and Nature together was something I had envisioned only in my dreams. Mobile (its different that mine does not work), Data Analysis, The Black Notebook and Books in a wooden log house sometimes reviewed under candle light or kerosene lamp is something unimaginable. It can never be better than this. This journey initiated many years back from the wooded areas near Farakka (NTPC township) 1984, to the comforts of my apartment in UT 2004, and back to my wooden log house today has been very interesting and adventurous, both personally and professionally. Nothing seemed to have changed here other than time. People, tree and forests have just grown older by eight years. Human beings have few more strands of grey hair, or a tiny but distinctly noticeable accumulation of fat around their abdomen, while the forest and trees seemed to have become taller, greener and denser. All screaming of abundance of resources, in today’s resource crunched world.

I exhaled in peace when I saw the old house and the same people I said bye, many years back. I feel at home. I finally returned to my origin, my home, in wilderness. I started my wild career here, and with my Phd I feel am completing a full circle. Being able to imitate Jane Goodall, is something I never thought I could. Imitating her actions was easy, but imitating the passionate scientist in her is the challenge waiting ahead of me! The journey has begun, is all I know. Growing up in a small township away from civilization has definitely contributed significantly towards my fascination for woods and disappearing in them. Who knows where I would be 10 years from today, but as of now am in my New Foundland about to be complete, A FULL CIRCLE!

Kia to No-Kia

Kia’ in Chinese or Japanese means do it! No ‘Kia’ hence would mean ‘Don’t Do it’! This story is about No-Kia to Nokia handsets. Mobile flip phones. I am known for my destructive and man (women) handling of my possessed equipments and devices. It all started with multiple specs, watches and phone in one year. However with time I realized the value of using things with care and responsibility, which led to me proudly owning the same pair of glasses, watch, camera and phone for yeons, till I moved to a trendy flip phones!

Attracted by the looks obviously I too hoped to possess one some day. Few months back I finally bought one. It was only few weeks that I bought it, it started misbehaving. It seemed to have a mind of it’s own. It had its own desire about when to ring and not ring. Go to my voice mail or not. And obviously had its own cycle of random sleeping cycle inspite of the battery being fully charged. After couple of visit to the nearest hospital where it was born, I just stopped getting panicked about it, as long as I could make and receive calls. 4 months down the lane my handset was pretty flexible with an extremely mobile and flexible head. But it still worked. Flexible head? Keep reading you will know…A month later as I was talking to somebody the head snapped from the body. The feeling was of a smooth abrupt collapse similar to a karate shot on somebody’s neck!

Surprisingly I could still speak. My friend on other side just asked what happened is it raining all of a sudden, why is there so much noise in the back ground! He could not understand what happened till I sent him the following snap…

Click

It went to a coma gradually from making calls to just incoming to nothing. I felt like a blind person for a week, since I could only hear the incoming calls. But could never see who was calling. Soon it denied to converse with anybody. All it did was, croaked every morning at 9 AM…and reminded me that it’s brain was still alive. Medically a stage defined as Coma (when only the brain continues to breathe). One of my very patient roommate was thoroughly pissed with it, since one weekend it kept croaking from 9 am till 12 !!! I was contesting on mercy killing by removing the battery. Am still contesting its death…especially after it survived a 24hrs journey across the globe, still croaking at 9 pm and reminding me that it’s still alive!!

This was the first destruction without any significant contribution from my side supporting my theory that objects, subjects and machines have their own life and purpose. Taking good care of them has nothing to do with its performance and working life. Hence I can revert back to my concept of flips or no-flips, Kia or No-Kia, have nothing to do with any objects survival. They will die and disappear as per their own destined and programmed life. We as humans only are disillusioned by having a control over them.

Smile please :)

If not, then read the following blog...Powerful Smile, and come back to read further with a smile :). If not then, definately see a psychiatrist! I do not have time to blog, but this post was worth replying and putting on my blog for the rest to smile :).

I was not smiling in the beginning, but by the end of this blog i was all :D feeling the arch between my ears. There is a saying in Bengali "smiling from ear to ear" often referred in Satyajit Ray's series on 'Pheluda'.

Sorry for the offtrack but it's so true, an honest smile always comes from your eyes, unlike a constipated one. It's surprising how one can see a smile over chat or phone. Although you don't need a webcam or be physically present, seeing or even feeling a smily face, makes such a striking difference.

I think this is something I have learnt during my stay here. First time I went back to India, I had frowing faces looking at me, giving crazy looks as I got into the habit of smiling at everybody. Strangers or friends did not matter. Although the tagged 'How is it going?' and 'What's up?' that people ask here is not so exciting BUT the smile IS. It does not cost much to smile and make another person smile anyways. So why not smile?

Not to quote against my desi fellows, but I have noticed the rate of receiving a smile back from a non-Indian, stranger is higher than an Indian. Most eye contacts here end up in a smile, except from some Indians, where it ends up looking at the road, or outside the window in a bus, or looking at ones own shoes, or just staring in the space. Its funny. It's even funnier to watch people hiding or running away from the smile you give them. It's so pleasant to see a smiling face with glitterring eyes :). I just flip 180 deg, at a good smile. And if I get to see the glitter in their eyes, then its might end up as a crush too. Somehow you don't get to see the eyes always, as they are hidden behind the gogs! but nevertheless u would know...the difference.

For me - grummpy sad faces : KEEP AWAY!

Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Sometimes I smile on behalf of them, just to balance what they do not have any more to give. I don't know why people put so much effort to frown, which stresses 43 face muscles while a smile just costs 17 and in turn also initiates many synaptic pulses. Besides a smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks :) also you never know who's falling in love with your smile.

Anyways, now I should stop smiling and am sure that I don't need to say 'Smile Please' by the end of this blog too. If I still have to, then you know where to go : THE PSYCHIATRIST :), :P . Some how this post goes with my recent post on visions too Musu Musu Hasi, an unexpected coincidence. And I hope that by now you have smiled enough to have a laugh :) , Cheer's - 'Bakwaas'

7:25 - 8:31pm

Ok, that was my timing on bike today, from my place to Dewitt Picnic Area on HWY 89. It is around 4.89 miles from the rangers station, which is around 1.5 miles from the start point.

Started at 7:25 = 0 miles
1nd dam upper - 7:35
2nd dam - 7:49
Dewitt Picnice area - 8:05
2nd Dam - 8:13 (coming back is always fun as its down hill)
Start point - 8:31

So I guess it was, around 6.39 miles one way ..not sure of the exact distance will believe it atleast as 12 miles both ways..before heading to my rejuvination point, for 30 mins and came home :)

10 miles

I have decided to keep track of miles i bike, this was the first diff route I took other than highway 89, after being suggested by a friend.

On the way back did some additonal distances, to make it 10 miles total..

On the track

This is my friends blog :) Am just copying his link here...as I believe and enjoy the same.

I enjoyed 'Yesterday'

Except that its not just try-it-alone, its more than that...for me sports or playing is my boosting, energizer, duracell, for the evening and rest of work. Sometimes I feel I can give up work but not playing :), there have been days when I haven't done any work, but I will stick to my routine of playing :)....nothing to be very proud about but thats how I am....

Besides I don't think or believe in the concept of alone...my brain is constantly rambling with so many thoughts, ideas and definately people all the time. How is A, what is B upto now a days, Oh, C did not reply, Man I have to call XYZ... and the list continues. For me I think its the other way round. It gives me a break from them :), it's like my time. People keep out or Don't disturb Me. It helps me focus, prioritize, concentrate, and plan on short term goals. Else I get lost into future or beyond, which I believe is pointless. It helps me live and enjoy the present.

Anyway I need to get back to work, just read my friends post so had to write my thoughts on the same...Cheer's to all who enjoy doing so...

Moments Together

I was with you the other day
Walking by the river
Silenced by the wind
The warmest night we ever had.

Time just flew by,
From the day we met,
The toughest walk,
The longest climb,
As always seemed,
The most peaceful moments,
We always have.

Time flew by
Since the second we met,
We laughed,
We cried,
We hugged,
We fought,
Till the second we had to say bye.

I hated every moment
I neared the time to say good bye,
I never told that I would miss you,
But I heard you whisper wanting me to come back,
Your heart was louder than the river, the wind that breezed by,
A silence conversation,
That you never wanted me to know!

I will be back soon,
In warmer nights,
By the river, silenced by the wind,
To gather the cherished moments,
To hear every word unspoken,
To fight every second,
To see your hidden smile,
As I whisper the words,
You never thought I would reply.

Inspired by the Windy Morning by the Virgin River

Today

Two of us riding nowhere
Spending someone's
Hard earned pay
Two of us sunday driving
Not arriving
On our way back home
We're on our way home
We're on our way home
We're going home
Two of us sending postcards
Writing letters
On my wall
You and me burning matches
Lifting latches
On our way back home
We're on our way home
We're on our way home
We're going home

You and i have memories
Longer than the road that stretches out ahead
-Beatles (Steve, 1969)

Sex cues ruin men's decisiveness

An article in BBC, suggesting how men's decisiveness change with attarctive women around!!

It's hilarious. Its' even more hilariuos that they needed a study to prove it!
Poor men!

I guess its not only men, its with women too. Its all a game of Hormones, triggered originally by your Pineal and Pituitary gland. If, only we knew the perfect triggering required to have the requuired hormonal level. Well, there is whole branch of science dealing on these line on thoughts 'Psychology and Endocrinology' No wonder humans, and more importantly our BODY is so facinating...seems like an pefectly thought designed structure, to sustain all by itself.

Anyways don't miss out on the article, with my lecture on hormones...here is the link

TO ALL THOSE PEOPLE I CARE FOR

I make a concious effort of doing this..
because I also know that you love me for thyself being 'ME'. Come back and read this after you see it...


You gave me the right to do so,
You gave me the confidence too.
You chose to make me take you for granted,
You agreed to accept me for what I am...

Am so glad to have all of you in my life.
Cheer's to my friends

A conversation in silence

This happens whenever am with
ocean....

Have you ever heard silence speak?

I never did until,
Words never told,
Started to speak.
I share this beautiful relationship
Of mutual respect affection and love is
What I believe.

It’s surprising,
How loud could silence be!
It’s surprising to believe,
How shallow an hour of effective chat could be!
If untold words could be so strong,
Why bother to speak,
at all?
If silence could fathom the depth
Even you are unaware of,
Why do we need words
to convey our thoughts?
I enjoy the silence surrounding me,
The thoughts
That words could have never preached!
I wish there were no words at all,
And silence was the only way to communicate to all,
A truthful existence after all.

Have to develop the art to write without rhyming!! am getting bored of myself...:)

Bake Fake Cake

Ya..today is my dad's Bday..so I decided to celebrate it by baking a Cake for him. Whenever I cook I use a relative scale to judge how good or bad is it..

For E.g how much of the cake was cake and how much was biscuit?

Well...being a scientist..I like to experiment. So cooking is no exception. I have been trying to make this carrot cake for a while. I learnt it from my roomate. She bakes a cake every weekend, mind it different cake for every week. So I learnt it from her...but somehow whatever I make, till now has never tasted like 100% cake!

First time I did it, I added pineapple to it..changed the proportion of egg and flour and it ended up being 80% cake. It was good.

So, I decided to make it again. And was sure this time it will be 100% cake. But, something went wrong, offcoures I had my 'experimental touch' in it. And it was 100% biscuit! It was horrible failure! not only biscuit, it was 'BURNT BISCUIT'!

So, now it became a challenge for me. Abhi to CARROT CAKE bana ke hi damm lungi! So I had purchased the ingradients, and was waiting for the right day to come. Then last night I thought why not make it today, a nice occassion. And I celebrate dad's bday my way as well...

This time my roomate, was there and she voluntered to help. She was there last time one's before this when I took the effort of making the cake, but it failed miserably again coz, as I was grating the carrots and mixing the eggs, the whole mixture drained out because I FORGOT to close the bottom of the grinder !!

YAH, that's me! Am just absent minded like anything. Not very proud of it! But that's how I am! (hopefully will change!)

She was volunteering me that day as well. So it was actually after that day, carrot cake became like my 'next challenge'!

Anways so I was all well prepared and armed today. Closed the grinder first. Had every thing organised and arranged..Everything was perfect..My roomate, Ana..was there to help me out..and as we put the cake in the oven, she said DON'T Open the oven unless its cooked.

I was like 'AAaanhaan' no wonder my cakes were not co CAKY at all...because everytime I bake something I will be so excited with the smell of vanila flavor that I would open then oven, see how much is cooked and close it back! The vanila flavour is too good and strong, and I have tough time to control myself from not tasting the mix!

Anyways, so lesson no. 1 Do not open the oven, till u the time is up, and you see the cake swelled up! I took off for my work and then came back after the suggested time..but now I was struggling to find out if it was cooked..I could not see..the inside of the oven. So I just let it sit. But being panicked that I might burn it!

Anyway's so with all the excitement I finally took the fella out of the oven. BTW I did not mention I was making a choclate covering for it as well..so the choclate coating was ready. So I put it on the cake, and took to my friends place. We all had dinner (exotic food, they are all awesome cooks)...and was time for dessert!

My friends know about my experiments with cooking. So they knew that tonight they were destined to be my GUINEA PIGS! I did not tell them what cake it was....and I was not sure myself how it would be. But they were all very excited. So as the time for dinner came..I was like...aahh may be/ may be not...but then who cares, they are my freinds..even if its bad..at the most we will throw it!

So, here she goes and gets the cake and we cut it...I wait patiently for everybody to have their first bite. The choclate coating was good, so it did look good. I was confident of that. I was not sure of the taste. It cut perfectly so I was sure, that ok its not BISCUIT!

I was watching their expression, after the first bite. None of them had a screwed up face! Infact they were smiling, and one of them told,

" Wao, tanu - nice pumpkin cake. I really liked it !!"

Pumpkin.!!!! AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...i knew, that stupid carrot cake did play some trick with me and transformed into a pumpkin cake!!!

So, that was my story of BAKING a Fake Cake !!

NB- To mention what went wrong, all though Ana had suggested me not to open the oven. I took a peak at it. Beacasue I had no idea how to see it otherwise. I rarely use the oven, so I had no idea where the damm switch was to switch on the light inside. So out of desperation I took a peak at the cake, and as I peaked into it I DID witness the 'sinking' of the cake! Few sec. after that, another friend of mine drops by, and I mention him about how I cannot see whether the cake is cooked or not! he simple comes and switches on the light. The switch, was right at the corner, which I never saw. And as I saw the switch and the light inside, I realised that I killed the cake just few secs back while taking a peak! So when my friends appreciated the 'Pumpkin Cake' I knew exactly what went wrong. And now, am confident that next time it WILL be 100% carrot cake !

Me and Programmaing : LIA to ALI !

Yah, I don't do that ! BUT ever since I have started blogging I think I am learning a little bit of that as well..I don't understand the language or science behind...how all these programs or specifically this BLOG works! But somehow by looking at the Template I figured out where to make the necessary changes, so that I can add people to the blog..or add the links I want..

Today I stretched my experiment a little further. I wanted to add the following lines to 'My Vision' in the sidebar to thank all those people who are taking out their time to comment on my snaps.

"Photography is almost my obsession, and I want to be better at it. So, criticize my pictures as much as you want. Look forward to your comments, and THANKS for your time."

While editing the links I learn't that any thing written between LIA to ALI jsut appears as texts on your blog, if you exclude the "STUFF BETWEEN THE QUOTES"


<li><a href="http://2006-photo-a-day.blogspot.com/">Vikas</a></li>

(need to thank madan here, he helped me in understanding the funda behind tags and writing the above code, else i was getting the link directly! !!eeeehhh)

So I wrote what I had to write, then I had to decide a place for it. It wasn't difficult to find the end of the profile description in the template to insert LIA to ALI, where I wanted. Everything was perfect at the first go....BUT then to stretch it further I wanted these words right after "VIEW MY COMPLETE PROFILE" ! And while doing so I did something such that my whole template changed to something horrible! Entire formatting was lost! The black back ground disappered! Snaps were placed here and there...!! :(

And I got totally pissed with myself...there is saying in hindi..'Khane bulo to rahne ko mangthe hain' thats what I thought! I regretted what I did. But then I got this brilliant idea, to load back the template. I though that would fix the problem. I got excited and loaded it back.

But, it lost all the edits I had made! People and Links I had added! And offcourse I did not remember the links! Got, more disappointed with myself!

Then I remembered something and got another brilliant idea. I had saved the entire template of my previous blog. I always do that before I start messing up with it. :) back was my smile!
Because then all I did was compared the current template with what I had and figured out where and what I messed up and uploaded the previous template!

So while addressing things between 'LIA to ALI' I had deleted the following :)


<title><$BlogPageTitle$></title>
<$BlogMetaData$>
<style type="text/css">
/*
-----------------------------------------------
Blogger Template Style
Name: Minima Black
Designer: Douglas Bowman
URL: www.stopdesign.com
Date: 26 Feb 2004
----------------------------------------------- */
body {
background:#000;
margin:0;
padding:40px 20px;
font:x-small "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Verdana,Sans-Serif;
text-align:center;
color:#ccc;
font-size/* */:/**/small;
font-size: /**/small;
}

As I read the above code I understood why I got a BIZZARE blog, for a while...and went OFF- Blog for a while!! PHEW!! Me and Programming! Thankgod that this is not my full time job. However, thanks to the mess with 'LIA to ALI' I got to know how to make changes to the template :). BTW, I still have some lines showing up as highlighted or linked to something...if anybody can be suggest how to get rid of it, that will be great. Thanks.

Telepathy, Coincidence or just Thoughts?

Meena my freind from India, works on Gir lions, in Gujarat, India. We met at WII 2001. Another scorpio, the shy ones, who take some time to open up. We clicked right from day one. This is very common for us - its the first interaction. You either click or you always remain unnoticed!

Well as I heard our hostel warden (what was his name, I forgot, some ex-army personnel) came upstairs and was showing her, her room I stepped out of my room to check out the new girl :). First impression - very quiet, very silent. My mind said ' Naaah, not my type' And I took off with my work or something. Don't remember. Eventually I ran across her, and came to know that she is from Chennai, worked with Sukumar on Elephants and now at WII to work on Lions. Her first crush, love or marriage I would say. We happen to bump into each other quite often and we became good friends. Somebody I really had meaningful converation, interaction, fun, and arguments, outside my batch. So this was my silient Lioness! She actually IS. Won't get to know about it unless you or she lets you know her. Time rolled, I came to US, she continued with her field work and stuff. We got busy with our life. We spoke before I left India, then once in 2004 while I was here in Jan, and again on Jan 2005, when I visited India. How many hours did we speak when we spoke? Nothing less than 1hr 45 mins. Baak baaak baaak...about everything on earth.

Ok, so now out of blue am I talking about her? Well because at times I don't understand how and why you get to hear from somebody you remember all of a sudden, out of blue. Well I have to say, all of a sudden because I have got so caught with classes and assignment and stuff here that unless something happen related to a person in India, you don't remember them! And it happens with us (wildlife people) more, since 8-9 months we are in a forest, almost disconnected from the world, except for your parents and family may be. Being in touch with somebody in US, forget it, impossible, unless you make efforts. Or the one in US, makes an effort. So basically am saying that I did not remember her, all of 2005, except last night.

Am reading this book by Michael Lewis 'Inventing Global Ecology' which decribes the history of my profession in India, and its impact on globalization or vice versa. He is a prof at university at Maryland and this was his Phd thesis - 'Tracking the Biodiversity Ideal in India 1947 - 1997'. After a long time am reading a ecology related book which doesn't make me go off to sleep, and just keeps me awake for the next chapter! Mostly I dose off, because either they are too hard for me to comprehend in one read or has deep ecological theories hidden within them!

Anyway so this book talks about the Ecology being introduced from the US to a world where forest, animals, people have lived together for centuries. How do you apply the science practised here (US), and takes example of the conflicting situation between Gujjar and the Elephants, addressed by Christy Williams at Rajaji National Park. He was my senior at the institute. It was so nice read his name, Govind, his driver in this book. So obsviously I was in India, as i was and whenevern am reading it. So as I read it, I remembered Meena, because she has a smiliar situation with the Maldhari's living within GIR. Its a national park but these tribes live inside the park along with Lions, Leopards and other prey species.

Just an offtrack, so I remembered her, and realised that I haven't spoken to her for a while and decided to call her this week, continued with the book and then slept off. And guess what - morning as I woke up, and switched on my laptop..I see an email from her!! I WAS JUST SHOCKED, SURPRISED! This is not the first time. These kind of things have happend even in the past. You remember somebody out of blue for some reason for a milli sec and put a thought on it and the very next moment you have response from that person! As if you your thought just travelled 1000's of Km across the ocean and mountains and got in touch with exactly whom you wanted to! How the hell does this happen? Is this telepathy? How does it work? What is the medium of communication? And how can it be so precise? And correct everytime? What is the process behind it? Is telepathy for real then? Or is it just a conincidence? If, yes then why does this happen so often, and so correct everytime?

I had all these questions running in my mind as I read her email. I wish somebody could answer these questions for me!

Ecology and Hindusim - their downfall

**** wrote it as one blog but separated it due to change of subject********

Anyway so back to the book, which has raised some thoughts in my mind, specially in context of current globalization. He addresses this issue as well. I haven't finished this book yet. This book provides me a good perspective based on the whole history of Ecology in World. It took ages in the US/UK/Europe as well to accept Ecology as a Science, and how you do it! Where is India in that context?

Conservation and Nature is not new to India. Although thats how it has been presented or practised in India. We have history of nature worshippers and still persisting in may tribes for more than 3000 years. It is the basic philosophy you come across in Vedas, or I can say 'Hindu Religion' or Hinduisim'. According to me 'Hinduism' is just a way of life, a philosophy, unlike what it is viewed as or currenly presented to the society.

So traditionally the sages, saints, philosopher's in and from India have suggested the connection between people, plants and animals. Everything is eventually connected to this one origin. Who knows what that is, but that was the premise. And the concept of Karma, suggests flow between and within them! So as a race 3000 years back if we taught and believed in this connection, when is it that the transition or the break up happen? When is it that we started using and looking at animals and plants just as resources, only to extract. People led a life dependent on these resources for ages. But some how this dependence or interdependence never led to a situation of crisis or extinction.

As I read the book I was curious to know the transition which introduced 'Conservation' or 'Ecololgy' as a new concept in India instead of it existing in Historical India. Today we have problems with population and poverty, and Ecology definately takes a back seat under the current scenario. How about globalization? How does it affect the progress of this science in rest of the world and also in India?

Population, poverty, resource crunch according to me are very recent problems in India, if I look at its history. Knowledge and resources were prevalant during the period of Chanakya, Nalanda, Ashoka! Ashoka, one of the great kings from India, too talks about conservation in his period. It just makes me wonder how and why did we loose such richness? Sometimes I wonder if it was the 200 years of rule and invasion by East India company, Mughal Empire and others which changed our basic principles? It just bothers me, both for my profession and history! How and why did we loose the richness? How many years will it take to return to what we were? Will another 200 years undo all the damage we went through?

I don't know. Disappoints me a bit and also focuses me on what I want to do, for the time I am here!

Mr Darcey to Meena Kardeezi..

Yah, these are the lead characters of two among ten movies I saw this weekend. Ya, 10 :) for people who know me, this isn't a surprise. Took a break by the end of spring break. All were very interesting.

Thanks to Mr. Darcey and the Bennett family which eased away the painful journey you witness with Meena Kardezi, in Chasing Freedom. It is based on real life incident of this characters life, while escaping the Taliban regime in Afghanistan and coming to US with the hope to breath freely only to remain locked up for months by the INS. Truth and reality is so disappointing and depressing at times. May be its better to be ignorant. I have never experienced the feeling of trying to run aways from ones own home because its no more safe. Wonder how it would! I thank my fate (chance) for not being born in Afghanistan, or similar countries. Anyway I won't give away the whole plot. But a nice movie contrasting two women (an american lawyer), from two different world, pursuing freedome in their own way. I don't have time to go about each and every movie, will just make a note of the movies I saw so that I can write about it whenever I get time. Watched 'Crash' too in this flush :)

Definately a well made movie. Liked how all the characters are eventually weaved togther. More than objective racial discrimination to me it seemed like the differences, prejudice, dsicrimination, and haterate that each community have towards each other, be it Asian, American, African! It is the same differences, prejudices, discrimination that a S. Indian has towards N.Indians, East Indians towards West Indians. Basic human nature is to get biased due to their experiences in life. But inspite of these differences and prejudices, during moments of crisis we all respond to humanity. And I thought that was the final conclusion of the movie. It was interesting to note how the director eventually suggests or shows that NOBODY is bad by choice. Mistakes happen for some situations in their life. That does not mean that their choices are justified, but then thats what life is all about. Anyways enough of criticism or trying to be a critic :) (which I am not!) overall a nice movie to watch. Except for the cheesy ending of Pride and Prejudice, this movie was also nice to watch. Ahhh...Mr. Darcey. I think I like the period when all you could do if you liked somebody is gather some courage to ask that person to dance! Wish I was born then :)..Since I just love the british accent, it was even more fun to watch..very gentlemen and lady like :).

Other Movies watched - 21 grams (bakwaas, unecessarily made complicated!), Insomnia, Troy (uuuuuuu...brad pit, interesting just want to make a note on how many wars in History have happened due to women?), Constant Gardner, Four Feathers (Haven't seen Shekhar Kappor' s other movies, but this was good), English Pateint (had seen this earlier) , Lost in Translation, ....and the list continues...

Now the next movie marathon will happen in Summer :)

Just an off shoot, don't forget to read about Desi Power in BBC. Goes to my archive on India!

A reply to Wife Bashing -

I almost blogged my thoughts on above topic at the following post 'How much are we valued'

My reply was more than just a comment. Hence I just posted it here, as well.

Nina, I think THIS IS A VERY SENSITIVE issue. That's why I commented on Anna's blog not to ignore the things(torture) that happens inside the four walls of many houses. You would be surprised to realise that WIFE BASHING is a very common thing, and it IS common because women don't protest. And it is this wife bashing, which leads to bashing any women who does not listen to you!

There is a long historical and social reason behind all this. NO POINT just asking men to change. Women need to change and grow up as well, and realise that they deserve a dignified life. Earlier it was different. Most women used to live a life of a slut because they had children whom they had to take care (and most of these children eventually grow up to bash their mom'!) and they were not financially independent. Until and unless a women is resepected right from her childhood and encouraged to feel and be independent these things won't change. This world in A MAN-DOMINATED world. You cannot just ask them to give up their power and regime. The only way to deal with it, according to me is to encourage every girl/women to be independent and dignified. It's a common human attitude and a game of power, which has its roots in behavorial ecology (how the animal world functions). Male/Female does not matter. A subject will do things to dominate you, until you show them their limits.

And a person who has got the courage to beat up somebody once, will do it again. It is the same courage that we have to tell some men to F off! In the same way, the idea that 'O' HE WILL CHANGE, IS bull Shit. A man who hits ONCE will always have excuses, justification and reasoning to hit again.

In nutshell, I believe these are the basic principles and philosophy of life that are seeded in you, by your parents and family as you grow up. And it is the same philosopy that governs how you bring up your children and family. Some people are born lucky. You cannot choose the enviornment and situation you are born in, but if you don't agree to certain things you can choose to be different. No point cribbing about it.

This again leads to my favourite quote - 'Be the change you wish to see in the world - M.K. Gandhi'

INDIA RISING

An interesting 7 min capsule about India that aired on ABC recently. My best line from the caspsule 'India is a miracale' things work even within a 'Chaos' HOW ! GOD KNOWS...Am yet to figure that out!

Click the following link India Rising

Cheer's !!

EVE TEASING....

Came across a post on EVE TEASING or demonstration against Eve-Teasing I should say. It reminded me of my college days when I had to discover ways to keep off FRUSTATED MEN (old - young, didn't matter). I had to take the city bus to college everyday. Was lucky if I got a seat. If not then the day starts with shouting at these jerk. I am glad that I never succumbed to such stress and gave any chance of pleasure to such jerks! I used to carry a safety pin and I always had boots. I have used the pins couple of times very nicely, with full liberrty on people who have tried to take advantage of being in a crowded bus. I bet never have those men ever touched another girl. Because they would just scream in middle of the bus, and people will ask 'Why what happened'! They won't have any reply, and I would just look into their eyes, with a satanic smile. Am sure they would have been reminded of it even while sleeping with their wife!! I am glad that I could do this. Many of classmates could not. I had to be their care-taker. I never disliked the role but failed to encourage them to fight for themselves. Some eventually did in couple of occassions. It's not only the city buses. I have faced such incidents growing up while traveling by train. On one ocassion I grabbed the guy sleeping in the middle berth by his collar and trashed him nicely. I had the advantage of height being on the upper bunk! Kicked him nicely. Woke up everybody in the train. I still remember these incidents. Honestly speaking after I did, this I could not sleep that night. I was little worried and scared. What if these guys follow me back home etc etc. I used to live alone then in Calcutta (Kolkata). Anyway, later when I told about this to my parents, they just told me never to be scared of such situations and never let anybody take advantage of you of being a women. My dad also told, 'look whenever you are in situatoin like this, always remember that the person who is doing it also is scared within. But he knows you are weak so that gives him the confidence and courage to trouble you/' BUT once you disprove his assumption, that YOU ARE NOT WEAK and can beat the hell out of him, he would not dare to do that again.

Thanks to my parents for their upbringing, that I never feared to show my middle finger to such jerks and trash them in public if need be. My experience and independence eventually helped me in my research (and life) while in India, which needed me to travel to all sorts of places, with unkown people, through unknown means..(Bus, train, boat, tracter, Van...etc etc..) and awkward hours. Anyways, back to present. Why all of a sudden talk about all this?

Well I had a sudden adrenaline rush as I read the following post. I am glad that women are more openly encouraged to voice their discomfort. Here follows the link to the incidents of 'Eve Teasing'.

Join the march to say or encourage somebody to say 'NO' to EVE TEASING!

Cheer's to Thyself

Yesterday was a perfect evening,

After a horrible busy week,
Peaceful, Calm, Creative and Relaxed,
Was I by the time I had to sleep.
The Vision of life were as Perfect as Ever,
I Thank God, for every beautiful,
Moments that he saved for me,
To Discover...later.

Cheer's'

You Brighten My Day

No time to blog so sharing this poem, with whoever drops by....

There are moments in life when you miss someone
so much that you just want to pick them from
your dreams and hug them for a while,
But their presence just in dreams makes you more sad!
Then you remember
Not to look at the door's that closed on you,
Because the new door of happiness is just waiting for you.
Reminding you of the one who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to,
make a dark day seem bright.

And you keep dreaming of the one,
who makes your heart smile,
Because its your heart that keeps you alive.
Dream of the place you want to go,
Be like the one you want to be,
Breathe every air, touch every flower, hear every song,
Do everything that you ever want to,
because you have only one chance
to do all the things, you want to do,
before life stops smiling with you!

Gather enough happiness to always make you smile,
enough sorrow to keep you afloat and not drown,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough hope to make you dream,
making you the happiest of all.
Because you made the most of
everything that came your way.
The brightest future is always, on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward, until you let it go with a blast.

Count the years with the memories you smiled,
Live your life as if you are smiling, for every one around,
Remembering the one who inspires you,
Someone who has touched your life in a way or two,
Someone who means nothing to you,
Yet makes you smile when you really need to;
Someone who makes you see the brighter side,
when things aren't really working for you;
Whom you soon realise means the world to you;
Not just your heart but your whole life too smiles with you,
Someone who silently choose to be with you,
Someone whose friendship you could never give up too!!

tanu (Feb 2006)

Wrong Side of Bed !!

Sometimes you just don't know what's wrong. Anything you do gives you a feeling of '?' You struggle hard to find the answer, but more you try, more you fail to understand..Its a nice and bright day, I can see it, but the 'Dull' feeling within is overwhelming. Was it the stupid alarm clock which went off early, or was it an after effect of the previous day, or is it too much or too less of sleep or is it just a random break which comes to you all of a sudden in midst of a rushing week and you have set deadlines! Or is it just that I woke up on the wrong side......!!!!

EEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkk....

Whatevert it is....I 'HATE' it when my mood controls me than me controlling it!!

RDB vs Swades

a deep hmmmm....is the what I had!!

I think it has almost become a routine for me. Every week, whenever I get time...even for few minutes I watch 'Swades', specially the scene where Shahrukh and Gayatri are arguing about how good and bad is India, !! and "Where a prospective Groom, comes to see 'Gayatri'. "..the later was too close to reality atleast in my life!

I just love the above mentioned parts. But interestingly as I saw this movie today I unconsiously compared it with RDB, lot of things did become more apparent. Both seemed unrealistic and impossible (not to me but too most. I believe anything and everything is possible!). After all who would give up job with NASA and come and work for ISRO! Who would finish a degree and stay in a village to teach children.!! Too unrealistic but positive. But then there are some stray examples where people have done something or other in their own way. Similarly there are many unrealistic things in RDB but mostly negative traits- like a job less character DJ, the AIR telecast, why was the muslim guy always painting in the wall, example of bunch of frustated youngsters without any goal in life. Except for Madhavan who had some credentials others were all confused and frustated with life.

Although both the movies were unrealistic they ended on different notes - depressing and optimistic. And I think it is the end which has created the hype. Thats why it is said depending on which hormone (adrenaline or non-adreanline) is released in your blood you will have different experience. Swades has a happy and positive ending, which makes it a more acceptable and soothing movie , unlike RDB. It IS the ending which has made everybody talk about it, remember it, argue about it, or critic it! Here come's the addiction and response of human brain to happiness and saddness. Happiness is a drug which calms people down. But a negative ending makes u feel sad, regret, be guilty and hurts you somewhere. I think in life in general, we easily forget the best moments in our life. And conc. most on what we don't have, complaining, cribbing, crying over it. That seems like the normal human psychology (not for me again!).

I feel it is this 'pain' tonic in RDB which has created the after affect unlike Swades! The sad ending of RDB I feel creates a sense of pain and guilt. Specially for those whose children and family members are included within the '78' pilots that Indian Airforce has lost.

Last year when I watched Swades in India, I clearly remember people coming out of the theater with smiles, some saying 'Bakwaas movie' while others saying 'Good one'. Thats it. Nobody went home and thought about it. 3hrs in the hall you go for entertainment, get entertained, come back and forget about it. The next day starts as any other day. But here lies the diff with RDB. It has made people think. Look into ourselves. Stop complaining. Be responsible. I am not voluntering for the path suggested. It's not important to argue what the movie potrayed was right or wrong. But to conc. on the main message. The movie does give a notion of well things should be and has to be 'CHANGED'. I don't see it as a movie where the end is the only conlusion. I like to conc. on positive aspects of everything - and that led to my last blog. A change in our attitude!

The other most controversial subject in RDB was the comparision with our freedom fighters with college dudes! To me it was just a symbology. After all who were the freedom fighter? Were they god? Did they come from different planet? NO, they were normal, simple human beings, who choose to take responsibility in their own way. They were all educated and came from average, normal families. We are forgetting that they were someone among us, but with a courage, passion, and responsibility to choose to live and fight for their country. And that's where lies the difference among us (this includes everybody not only the present generation) and them. Changing the system today would need the same passion, courage and strenght that they had to kill Gen. Dyer! Do we have that?

Can we make everybody lead and choose a honest life? Can we impose this rule that you cannot cheat anybody? Who makes these rules? And who checks on them? Nobody. And nobody should. These are the basic principles of life, philosiphy that one believes. And I have no idea how one can change that! That's why I felt that RDB creates an awakening of the basic philosophy of life. And then only will movies like 'Swades' become a very common example and won't appear unrealistic or idealistic.

Finally, Ram Prasad Bismil's 'Sarforsh ki taman' gushes non-adrenaline, while 'Yeh jo desh hai tera...bandhan toot nahi sakta...'gushes 'adrenaline' in our blood!

Sarfaroshi ki tamana

I was listening to the songs of 'rang de basanti'.. till the following lines "sarfaroshi ki tamana ab hamare dil main hai, dekhna hai zor kitna bazu-e-qatil main hai.."recited by our martyrs like Ram Prasad Bismil, Ashfaq Ullah Khan and Bhagat Singh on their way to embracing death made me go back to the 'realisation' that how we have ruined their sacrifices!! This is not the first time. I think every Indian has contemplated on this at some point in their life!

I saw this movie last week with skeptical 'Climax' - 'Anti-Climax' mind set!! Did not get time to write (blog) about it. I guess I have nothing to blog. With all the feedbacks on the movie I was expecting certain things, which I guess took away the sudden 'shockers' that many people got!

I felt that Omprakash Mehra (dir) is conveying a message to the new generation, to the youth, to us, to awaken the mass. He is possibly conveying a hidden message through every comical act. It was easy to laugh at the person trying to sing a 'POP or RAAP' when asked to say 'Bande Ma Taram' or 'Jai Hind' ! And unfortunately it,was not so far fethched from reality either! Neither was the attitude of youths, my generation, us! That's the reality. Lets face it!

It has been ages that I have said these words, myself. But everytime I have said these words I feel a cold shiver passing through my spine, a lump in my throat. 9 years, these words were the start lines of my day. Thanks to my 'KV background'. I used to feel so proud and charged with energy as I gave these commands to the whole school as the house captain for that week. The whole ground will be resonnating with these words. I can still feel the adrenaline influenced flow in my capillaries. Such powerful words! Phew!!

Science, philosophy, humanities all at some point have suggested that with time we should update our ability to address every problem or question to get successful results. And I feel that the movies produced by 'bollywood' currently are possibly a new way of rasing or awakening the mass, uniting people, bring everybody to that one platform 'WE WANT CHANGE'. A way to awaken many 'Gandhi's, Bhagat Singh's, Netaji's...' because this time the war is not against just ONE enemy (British Government) but towards each and every person who facilitates, practices and contributes to corruption. In other words it could be a war against ourseleves. Against our attitude. Against our belief that 'nothing will change in India'.

I don't know if the release of 'Rang De Basanti' and news about 'Paritrana' was a coincidence! While digging for Paritrana I came across Bharat Uday Mission (BM), and may more such groups. All with an agenda of 'CHANGE' to remove 'CORRUPTION'!

As I heard the following lines again and again, I could feel the pulse, the spirit, the energy, the strength in each and every word, and my conviction that a huge wave of change is on its way!

The final note - Atul agnihotri recitation of 'Sarforishi ki tamana' was outstandhing.

sarfaroshi ki tamana ab hamare dil main hai
dekhna hai zor kitna bazu-e-qatil main hai

karta nahi kyon dusara kuch bat-chit
dekhata hun main jise vo chup teri mahfil main hai

ai shahid-e-mulk-o-millat main tere upar nisar
ab teri himat ka charcha gair ki mahfil main hai

vaqt ane de bata denge tujhe ai asman
ham abhi se kya batayen kya hamare dil main hai

khinch kar lai hain sab ko qatl hone ki ummid
ashiqon ka aj jamghat kucha-e-qatil main hai

sarfaroshi ki tamana ab hamare dil main hai
dekhna hai zor kitna bazu-e-qatil main hai

Be the change you wish see in the world - M.K.Gandhi
Jai hind

Rang De Basanti....''Climax ya Anticlimax" !!

Yup, I am going to watch this movie today!!
Little did I know, when I blogged about it last week that I will be able to 'view and review' the movie so soon. Anyways knowing myself...am quite skeptical about the hype! It can pretty well be an 'Anticlimax' for me...anyway...will wait to comment on it.

But something is proved true again - 'When you desire something the whole universe conspires for it' Alchemist, Paulo Coelho (MY BEST BOOK).

Workometer Fueled..

Yup....somedays you feel like you don' t want to go to sleep till you see the results of your analysis - today is one such day. Got my image analysis running and anixiously waiting for the output!

Excitometer is also 'ON' so no time to Blog...

Anyway more later....

Suffocated capillaries!..

phoooooooooooooooooeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww!!

Finally its over....

Well, just getting back from the department seminar, and surving the 'Blood Rush' in my auricle, ventricle! They are still functional...( i mean their pumping) but will cool down gradually.

So, whats all this 'fret' about?

Well, we have department seminars every wednessday. It's fun when you are sitting among the audiance and not facing the crowd or 'facing the crowd' while giving a talk about your study. However our department came up with this new policy this semester of every speaker being introduced by a graduate student, and keeping up with the pace and successful execution of the seminar. The objective behind this is to train us (future scientists) in organising 'Seminar's or Pannel Discussions' in future.

Well, I guess these introduction lecture and asking the crowd which includes undergrad, grad, satff, faculty to stop yapping and concentrating on the speaker, does a pretty well job in initiating the above objective!!! I had never done this before. And I knew that it would be different from the talks I have given in the past. And obviously I was aware that facing a crowd with ALL THEIR foucs on YOU till the speaker starts talking won't be very casual. I was scared. But I had to experience IT and get done with it, once and for all. So I just got done with introducing and managing this week's seminar.

And guess who was I introducing ? Well, none other than MY ADVISOR!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa....

I decided to introduce him as I really like him, and talking about somebody whom I idealize would be easier than somebody new. Less, did I know, how challenging it is to introduce a BIG fish, by myself being a TINY, MINISCULE creature, to a crowd of BIG FISHES!!

As 4pm approached the only system that worked in my body was my heart. I could hear the pumping of my auricles and ventricles and sending messages to my brain "COOL DOWN" COOL DOWN! IT'S GOING TO BE FINE..

Anyway people started pouring in. I was at the main dias. And I could hear the silent question screaming everybodies mind - Oh, WHO is she? (For those who don't know me!) Is she introducing Doug? Wao, tanu good luck ! (for those who know me)..For prof. whose classes I have taken I could hear " Anhaaan...can she speak in public ?"! So basically it IS NOT AT ALL a exciting feeling to have attention from each and everybody in the room on you, specially in BRIGHT LIGHT! Offcourse the lights are on, as you are introducing...and everybody is listening to what you are saying...or preparing the stage for the show! Talking on a prepared stage is different. I have done that many times. I mean giving talks is more exciting and different. I enjoy giving talk on my study. But today's experience was way different!

I did the MC's for last year's Mr. and Ms. International (reason was same..being on stage and managing a show) BUT that was different! I was facing a dark crowd!! And it was related to cultural activites not academics!!

Today it was entirely different. Specially as the room was getting filled up with a gradual increase of HUMMMING in the room. Everybody were on their seats except me! I was nervous. Very, nervous!. Each and every pair of eye was watching me, had questions about me. I mean you have to bring everybody to silence, make them listen to you...and start the show! After some couple of deep breaths and feeling the pumping in my heart I finally said "OK, THANKYOU EVERYBODY - CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE"..after that I don't remember what I said... I had Doug's resume with me, so said something from there...and till I got back to my senses I realised I was at the end of his resume :) and his achievements...

I could see the end of my speach...and letting Doug, take over!
Phewwwwwwwwww....finally it was over.....As I sat through the entire seminar (since it was very relevant to my work) I could feel the vibrations in my head, brain, heart, gradually slowing down...its still slowing down..I decided then and there...will have to blog this!! So I did !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...couple of more deep breathing will chill me off further...but am GLAD that I DID IT, and its finally over. Pheooooooooooooooooooooooooo !!! :D

after affect 'Rang De Basanti '

Yup thats the movie! I have been hearing a lot of rumors and excitement about this movie. Some of my freinds here felt for 30 mins after the movie that they should go back to India, some think its just a movie...some lost there speech and were silent for next half day !!! Some said its going to create a wave !! Come on, give me a break...!!

Have we really become so serious that we have started taking bollywood movies literally? And I don't understand what's wrong with bollywood? Why have they changed their agenda of making movies with people running around trees or in the streets to such high voltage movies?

It all started with Lagaan, followed by "Swadesh" and "YUVA", last year. And this year 'RDB' !! Has our film industry finally become revolutionized and evolutionized? Have they finally realized how much they can influence the mass ? No, I don't think so....I have known some movies which had direct influence on me and my life, both personally and professionally For e.g., City of Joy, Born Free, Forest Gump etc etc..But can it really create a social change, change in how people think, change in what they think!

May be, May be not! Who knows, time will say! I am just being a skeptic as usual ! After all change is the other name of 'growth' ! And India IS growing exponentially, geometrically and progressively in technology, science, economically...(and offcourse - population!!). May be it is true, when the whole plant starts growing, along with it grows each of its leaves and stems till it becomes a huge tree, and so would the country!

Opps, I forgot to mention about Bhagat Singh...That was another classic of the recent time...No to mention 'Gandhi'...but that was Hollywood! With the intellectual and passionate director's that we have today atleast we have some examples of hitting a balance between 'Box office hits' and 'Profits'! Anyways, so going back to the movie....here is a link to an after affect of Rang De Basanti!

Aaaj Kya Khaauuuuuuuuun ?

(means- What should I eat today?)

Oh man..!! as the day nears its end this question starts screaming in my head!! I can't work, I can't think...(not that I think otherwise ;) ) while trying to find an answer for it!

Cup noodles, bread and eggs, rice noodles, soup and rice, bread and soup....are the permutaions and combinations I can come up with three favourite items of mine : eggs, bread, and noodles!! Obviously, it is self explanatory that I don't know to cook, and more specifically, dont want to cook or like to cook! I hate it! The thought of cooking maximizes my laziness and minimizes my ability to do anything. It gives me tension. I have friends for whom cooking is a relaxation!!

My sincere "bows" to them...I don't know how they do it. According to me they surely are a different and more evolved subspecies of anthropods !

For instance now, instead of cribbing and blogging about cooking I can very well cook..but its so boring! Although I always enjoy food cooked by others.....be it tea, or even toasted bread! Anything cooked by anybody else is a welcome :) I know that this attitude sucks, but thats me! I can provide all my mental, emotional, physical, and technical support to somebody who wants to cook. But, somehow they never work on me.....And at times when I decide to cook after gathering all my conc. and motivation, either I end up blowing off the preassure cooker, or starting the smoke alarm, or burning whatever I was trying to cook! So cooking sucks!

The other problem with me is, that besides being lazy, and knowing to cook, I should know...what I want to eat, right. I lack variability in that too. How do I come up with something exciting or interesting to eat 7 days in a week! I cannot! Eating weekly once cooked food is unhealthy and I get bored...So I decided ok, weekly twice. Unfortunately I could not keep up with it, with my three favourite variables! Not to mention, the instances of experiments with above and some additional ingradients! They are a perfect self-repellant! I never enter the kitchen for atleast a week after my experiments!

I never ever thought that cooking would bring such a threat to my peace of mind! And the worst part is YOU HAVE TO THINK OF IT EVERY DAY!!! aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhh....!!

Having grown up in a boarding (hostel) I never had to bother about food. Mess, Food coupon, all took care of it. All I had to do was pay a bill by the end of the month! So you pay a cost for not having to worry about it. Instead pay somebody else for worrying about it and cooking for you :), and many like you...(the entire hostel, ward, dorm..). At home, my beloved mom and brother was there to take away that worry. They enjoy cooking and both are wonderful cooks. I miss it. My dad would mostly be helping them, and I would be pretending to help. I remember my mom would ask me to do something, which I will do at my own pace. Eventually she will grab it back from me, as she would need the potates or onions cut or peeled within certain time while cooking. I don't know why they worry so much about timing! Whats there in timing...after all everything needs to go into the pan. So why not dump everything together....and cook it all at once...why follow a time series...???

Being slow, during those days was subjective...to what program I am watching on television, and the realization that mom will anyway take it aways if I am slow :P!! So that is the history.

But now in US, no mom, no brother, no mess! Yah, you can eat out or buy food coupons. But its expensive and I cannot afford it. I think I still eat out more frequently than many of my freinds...and thats entirely proportional to my craving for food good..(which is quite often :))...and a must after my experiments. However, I have been lucky in the US too, because my roomates and friends loved to cook. So for past two years I did not have to seriously worry about it. I choose to do the dish washing for them ( I love water so I enjoy it), in exchange of them feeding me. But this treaty eventually had to be broken as they graduated and had to leave.

Currently I have an american roomate who loves to cook and that makes life difficult for me! What has his cooking got to do with my life? Well, because he cooks INDIAN!!! Sometimes I would return home hungry late at night...planning for the flavour of cup noodels I should have for dinner, but as soon as I enter the house I can smell rajhma, chicken curry....basmati....

"....mmmmm.....yuuuuuuuuummmm,.."

Thanks to my roomate, who would have cooked something, leaving the flavour in the air. Usually while living with international roomates here, you have to take care that you do not leave the house smelling. I mean you can really have mean roomates who can complain about onions, or smell of spices in our food...

I too have that, but instead of smell, I have problems with the flavour of his cooking which leaves me hungry even after I have my "planned" dinner!! Sometimes I have been lucky to be right on time, while he is eating. I get to taste....his food. Here in US, you don't generally eat each others food. You have very distincts I's and Mine and NOT mines! So I usually avoid doing it, particularly knowing that it will be weeks till I will be able to offer what I cook. Besides it could be a torture on him!

So in nutshell, cooking sucks but not eating :) ! And I hate the Milllion Dollar Question, that rings my mind every evening...I don't know how the other students (the ones who don't enjoy cooking) manage! But for me its TOUGHER than doing my PhD. Atleast I will get done with it, in next couple of years...unlike the million $$$ question "hmmm....Aaaj Kya Khaun?", haunting my mind forever!

Pleasssssss feel free to let me know if anybody found an escape from above :)

Blissful Presence....

Now that all the storm and fright is over,
I can feel the calmness in the air,
A lull, so silent, And so strong,
Believe that the stormy night is over!
If, it wasn’t for you,
I fear, I could have never,
Sailed back.
If , it wasn’t for you,
I would have failed to adhere,
My life further!
Thanks to your blissful presence,
And the lull,
So silent, And so strong!
Words aren’t enough
To rhyme, with you further,

How can I define the warmth,

Which you shared,
Without even touching me ever!
Such is the strength,
That all you adore feel,
Bliss, is what along it brings,
A peace,without having you to speak.
A lull,
So silent,And so strong!

Who Am I ?

Your Birthdate: November 10

Independent and dominant, you tend to be the alpha dog in most situations. You're very confident, and hardly anything ever shakes you. Mundane tasks tend to drain you - you prefer to be making great plans. You are quite original. When people don't "get" you, it bothers you a lot. Your strength: Your ability to gain respect Your weakness: Caring too much what others think Your power color: Orange-red Your power symbol: Letter X Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Stolen from Micromysore :)
More about me 'Bakwaas':D here

For...My Best Friend....

Hello my friend
Last night was a special night.
Something happened as I strolled back home,
I finally found the words to put forth,
How and What I feel for you.
I know this is not new to you,
Nor is it a surprise for you.

Since every thought I feel
Is because you make me feel so.

It has been months and years,
That we have been together,
An unquestioned presence for each other,
Even when we never expected to be together!
Be it love or pain,
Be it fame or shame,
We shared them first,
Before we shared it with others!

I feel blessed to be with you,
And I know that so do you.
Soon will be the day,
When we will have to walk our own path.
But we always will be residing
In each others heart.

I can see the smile as you
Read this,
I can feel the lump in your throat
As you read
But soon will be the day,
When we will again meet,
Soon will be the day,
When we will board the new fleet,
With new memories and people
To share the fleet,

So my friend,
With all our love
And the beautiful moments spent,
Lets thank together
The one, who made us meet.

So dont you think,
yesterday , Indeed
Was a wonderful night?

Be the Change you want to see in the society - M.K.Gandhi

THIS HAS BEEN MY FAVOURITE QUOTE FOR YEARS NOW...

Why do I say so ..because I believe in it...read the following link ..if you want to believe in same. Cheer's for changed India...Thanks to Movies like Swadesh and Yuva, which seemed unreal yet possible :), if only we choose to believe in it!

Enjoy
I have deiced to put all the links to Changing India here ....(6th Feb)
Momentous week in Economic History, 12th Feb 2006
Indian Economy 6th Feb 2006
India's Anti-poverty plan 2nd Feb 2006
IITians join politics "Paritrana"24th Jan 2006

Prior to blogging
Globalization
Narmada Issue

Is It Love Or Is It Infatuation?

These aren't my thoughts, but somebody's who shared them with me, which I though was wonderful!

Infatuation is instant desire — one set of glands calling to another. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.

Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you — to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his presence. even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. You have so many wonderful little films in your head that you keep replaying. But near or far, you know he is yours and you can wait.

Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him." Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are together you hope it will end in intimacy. Love is not based on sex. It is the maturation of friendship which makes sex so much sweeter. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When he's away, you wonder if he's cheating. Sometimes you check.

Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. He feels your trust, and it makes him even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret, but love never steers you in the wrong direction.

Love is elevating. It lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up.