For the Freedom, Honesty, Love for themselves and the Security this country provides it citizen or anyone who wants to live here or has lived here even as a student.
What does every child while they are growing?
Love and Security from their parents. The thought that No, matter what my parents won't give up one me! They will stand by me.
It is the same feeling that grows beyond your parents, to your extended family, your wife, your husband, your friends, your society and eventually to your country.
No matter what, 'They won't give up'.
You grow up with this idea and belief. It's your pillar and strength, which eventually becomes your motivation and inspiration to ' Give Back'. It becomes the major driver to survive and glide through all the challenges.
Now what happens, when one fine day you wake you and realize the people you loved, you believed and admired are don't really love you, Don't really care for you! They are there for their own selfish motives. And the moment it is achieved they will move on!
You feel orphaned! You feel deceived! You feel homeless!
It's a terrible feeling.
I have been feeling homeless since last year, 26/11 !
The closer I get to the end of my journey or stay in America, I feel I have no where to go to!
I feel homeless. I feel orphan.
This is where the society and the civilian meet.
When I came to the US, I came with a dream a passion, of doing something for India. I cannot describe in words how much it meant to me. It led me to do my PhD study in India. I went with all odds and hardships to be able to go back and work in India. Inspite of being aware of all the fallacies in my backyard, I had a HOPE. And I knew deep down inside, that One day I want to come back. And work towards a better India.
No doubt, that with every trip back to India, I have lost a bit of that passion. But it was never hopeless. It never died until, the last nail on 26/11.
That was the day - I LOST IT, COMPLETELY. I WAS AND I AM TRULY HOPELESS.
Today, when I am at the crossroad to decide where I want to be and where I want to contribute, the answer I get from within is - Do I have a choice?
I always believed in giving back to the system that has made me who I am. I am who I am for my parents. I am who I am, for the love and affection they have given me, for their trust and support. And I want to give it back to them.
Everything I do in my life is directed towards eventually making them happy and comfortable for the rest of their life. And I want to do it not only for them but for the future, my children, my cousin, my younger generation, to a new life, to the future. I want to give them the best. I want to give them what I did not get.
But can I do it in India?
I don't know. I feel homeless!
Yes, I can for sure take care of my parents and give them all the happiness they deserve. But when I look forward to the future, I am deeply hurt. And I cannot say and 'Yes' to what I have to offer to them. I cannot give them, what I see today. I cannot give them what I have in my backyard.
I cannot promise them the freedom, love, and security that I saw in somebody else's backyard. It will be a lie. A lie that will never come true!
Do I need to move to a new backyard?
May be yes.
WOW! I never realized the need to have a different backyard until last year!
Do I have a chance ?
***************
I don't know. I guess 'TIME' will present with an answer by itself. Could not stop myself from not thinking about as US remembers and reminds the rest of the world about 9/11 !
Previous post related to 26/11
What Can I do ?
We have failed everybody!
What does every child while they are growing?
Love and Security from their parents. The thought that No, matter what my parents won't give up one me! They will stand by me.
It is the same feeling that grows beyond your parents, to your extended family, your wife, your husband, your friends, your society and eventually to your country.
No matter what, 'They won't give up'.
You grow up with this idea and belief. It's your pillar and strength, which eventually becomes your motivation and inspiration to ' Give Back'. It becomes the major driver to survive and glide through all the challenges.
Now what happens, when one fine day you wake you and realize the people you loved, you believed and admired are don't really love you, Don't really care for you! They are there for their own selfish motives. And the moment it is achieved they will move on!
You feel orphaned! You feel deceived! You feel homeless!
It's a terrible feeling.
I have been feeling homeless since last year, 26/11 !
The closer I get to the end of my journey or stay in America, I feel I have no where to go to!
I feel homeless. I feel orphan.
This is where the society and the civilian meet.
When I came to the US, I came with a dream a passion, of doing something for India. I cannot describe in words how much it meant to me. It led me to do my PhD study in India. I went with all odds and hardships to be able to go back and work in India. Inspite of being aware of all the fallacies in my backyard, I had a HOPE. And I knew deep down inside, that One day I want to come back. And work towards a better India.
No doubt, that with every trip back to India, I have lost a bit of that passion. But it was never hopeless. It never died until, the last nail on 26/11.
That was the day - I LOST IT, COMPLETELY. I WAS AND I AM TRULY HOPELESS.
Today, when I am at the crossroad to decide where I want to be and where I want to contribute, the answer I get from within is - Do I have a choice?
I always believed in giving back to the system that has made me who I am. I am who I am for my parents. I am who I am, for the love and affection they have given me, for their trust and support. And I want to give it back to them.
Everything I do in my life is directed towards eventually making them happy and comfortable for the rest of their life. And I want to do it not only for them but for the future, my children, my cousin, my younger generation, to a new life, to the future. I want to give them the best. I want to give them what I did not get.
But can I do it in India?
I don't know. I feel homeless!
Yes, I can for sure take care of my parents and give them all the happiness they deserve. But when I look forward to the future, I am deeply hurt. And I cannot say and 'Yes' to what I have to offer to them. I cannot give them, what I see today. I cannot give them what I have in my backyard.
I cannot promise them the freedom, love, and security that I saw in somebody else's backyard. It will be a lie. A lie that will never come true!
Do I need to move to a new backyard?
May be yes.
WOW! I never realized the need to have a different backyard until last year!
Do I have a chance ?
***************
I don't know. I guess 'TIME' will present with an answer by itself. Could not stop myself from not thinking about as US remembers and reminds the rest of the world about 9/11 !
Previous post related to 26/11
What Can I do ?
We have failed everybody!
7 comments:
Well....its like this...
Did your country give up on you? Or did you give up on your country???
Well I think my country gave up on me way before I was even born or may be it never took the responsibility of conveying it really cares for me!
But my concern here is not about giving up. I don't think I can ever give up on my parents or my roots.
It's about prioritizing where, why, whom and what to give as I do not have abundant resources!
I still don't understand the concept of a "country" giving up on its people. It is ALWAYS the people at fault, always, always, always!
We sit here and complain ke India aisa hai, waisa hai, 26/11 ke baad there was so much hype ke we will not tolerate this again, blah blah blah. And then the hype died down. The PEOPLE are to blame for not taking care of the country. The country has everything you could possibly want! I have not done anything to change the situation in my country. Any kind of situation. Wonder if you have? No? Then you don't get to complain that the country has nothing for you.
Kashmira, I think am unable to make my point clear here either because I am not a good writer or because we have different expectation, from the country and its people, including me and you.
I will give it one more try with an e.g., -
I am not comfortable with the idea that if I am stuck alone in a railway station at night I do not have access to any system where I can call and seek help. If somehow I managed to get hold of a constable to ask for help, I regret it to find out that he is drunk himself.
I am not comfortable when I'm traveling by myself in AC-2 tier and I have bunch of drunken men next to me ogling, and I feel helpless that i cannot reach a secure system that can throw those men down from the train coz they are breaking the law of drinking at a public place.
Fortunately, I have survived both the situations. In both cases I was up whole night, and on guard. Thankfully my phone was working and I was talking to my family thought I was in a hotel!
I don't know whom to blame for this fear - the system as in the govt. or just those people, who have accepted it as the way of life and do not expect the basic security or feel the need to respect law or be responsible either.
Yes, life is still going on and will probably go on and I wonder how many people each day are joining the crowd who eventually give in to corruption, law breaking and bribery as the normal and only way of life.
I am positive that there are still many good people who are fighting everyday to stick to their principle and leading a normal life, but none of those people, are among the people who are leading the country.
And that bother's me.
Every society works on the principle of 'Top-Down' its never 'Bottom-Up'. Whatever happens in the top trickles down to the bottom. That's the basic principle of life and flow. And I am not happy with what has been trickling down for last 60 years. I do not accept it and I will not support or blindly accept that everything is fine!
I form the bottom of this society. I cannot turn around the system. I can only leave a positive mark hoping that it remains positive in future and ripples a positive circle around it.
There is a big problem in the attitude and mindset of people. And I have a right to say or take a stand on what is wrong. If I can do something about fixing it, great. If, not I can atleast take a stand and say, what is wrong is wrong. Period.
And the fixing, by each individual is done in their own way, in their daily life by following whatever they believe in or they abide by and if they believe in fixing in the first place. But again fixing at an individual level can only ensure few fixed points here and there at the bottom line. It won't help in the long run.
It's not a working principle to take a step forward. If one has to step forward you have to get up, stand on your feet and leap forward. THAT'S it. Simple principle of walking.
And that's not what we have been doing all these years. We have been sitting, lazing around and talking for past 100 - 200 years!
With few people here and there from the bottom taking the effort to walk! But not ONE effort from the TOP towards the goal of walking.
And that's my problem.
Do let me know if I could make my point. If not, then I guess, I just do not have the ability to convey my thoughts.
Tanu
Yes, the country can give up on its people!! And India has. Let me start with a quote .. ""Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead.
Take any country, it is the top leadership and its attitude that defines the rest - that is what sets the standard, that is what dictates what is acceptable and what is not - for the rest of the country.
Neither at the time of India's independence nor till date, has India been a country where the majority of its population are mature enough to understand what freedom means and the cost it comes at. You can not blame the people - the people who made up India in 1947 - they did not know any better!! In such circumstances the junta follows what its leaders tell it to do. And that happened for a while. Because the leaders of the time realized what freedom is - what it means - and that it had to be guarded. Unfortunately once that tier of prime leaders was gone - there weren't enough people left who could lead India responsibly. It is the leadership that let India down - instead of looking out for the uneducated starving population - they calculated - "Hey!! We can do whatever we want - and no one can touch us!! Lets rob the country!!" - It is the political leadership from 1950 - 1980 that made it possible for corruption to be accepted as the way of life. They kept doing it so much - that after a while - it became acceptable to be corrupt.
When there is an arms deal with France or Russia - you can not expect the common man on the street to understand the ramifications of the equipment we buy - its standard - strategic use - value for money nor its long term economic implications - and it is not his job to!! Its what we elect officials for. But if the top brass of the defense department decides - Lets buy from france even though their stuff is inferior - so we can put the extra money in our own pockets - there is very little that can be done.
The people in the cabinet - from Prime Minister down - are the people who gave up on India - the guardians of our freedom and democracy - the law makers are the ones who have made it possible for murderers to be law makers - Phoolan Devi - an example. You can not expect the uneducated people from rural India to weigh the qualifications of their candidates and choose wisely - they will vote based upon who gave me what. It is the job of the Election Commission to ensure that criminals dont get to run for election. Now you tell me - who has given up on whom ??
To give you the best example, take my Dad - who was entrusted with raising 6 siblings at the age of 16. He finished his education through night school and ensured that everyone was settled in their lives before tending to his own. He is a great man, he is a generous man with the kindest heart I have known. He is a tax professional - for 45 years now, my Dad has earned every single penny he spent. He has paid his taxes on time, he has voted every time after researching his options as best as he could!! And he has taken the best care of his family - as best as his abilities could. No one can honestly expecting anything else from my Dad - as a father - as a son - as a husband and as a citizen. He has fought the system all his life - in vain. What did the country do for him ??? Nothing!!! What did he do for the country ?? Plenty! There are several people in India who can never fully repay my father's debt.
But he was a couple of stations away when 26/11 happened. You tell me - is it fair to ask that my Dad go about his daily business with an armed AK-47 on his shoulder - just in case he has to defend himself ??
Is that what the people have signed up for ?? No matter what their flaws. It is RIDICULOUS. And UNACCEPTABLE. Plain and SImple.
Things came to such a point that my Dad decided it best - to send me to America - for the values that he brought me up with - made it impossible for me to live in the system that surrounded us. And let me tell you one thing - NO ONE gets to criticize my Dad's choice.
5 years later, I am firm in my opinion - to get my parents to settle in the US with me not the other way round. The man has worked his entire life - he deserves to live his retirement in peace and in complete security.
Thanks Sanket for the detailed comment, for explaining and understanding what I meant by 'Country Giving Up On Us'
I agree to whatever you have said.
The present attitude is just not acceptable.
Fighting the system as long as we can is the only way out, back home, like your father or mine. Indicating that we have not progressed even an inch forward!!!
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