Though I intended to go to sleep.... thought I would rather pen down the chat between Tao and Dia. Wonder if it surprised or crossed their mind, why I had to leave? Will they understand why I did what I did?May be ...May be not!
Dia loved you guys. But she loved him more. Having realized his importance in her life, and her inability to learn, accept, acknowledge and say aloud, that Yes, I NEED YOU, crossed six months. Tao would not have had to live six months of a dead existence! Why are we so scared to say and accept these words? Why is there so much fear to accept love for someone we love? Why is there an Ego to say 'Sorry' to someone who means a lot to you. Why is it so difficult at times to just forgive a small mistake, a small pain for a greater good? What stops us from accepting pure emotions and expressing it? Pain, Ego, Truth or Fear?
Dia never understood the hidden face behind her actions? If actions are all an expression of the aforementioned emotions won't it be just east to accept it, right away?, Dia wondered!! I ran into an angel, in one of those dark nights. Who told me, about greater good and taught to be first to reach out for someone you care. He told, but I acted slowly. Most do not even realize, understand or get to hear about the angels existence during their life time. I was very lucky to meet him in person, thought Tao.
The past six months, an eventful existence. A cocktail of loss and gains, with coins and pawns of my mind changing sides. A play between truth, honesty, fiction and illusion. A tussle of faith, compassion, authority and anger. A battle of pure love and war. The battle had to be resolved. Either Tao or Dia had to survive!
The cost was too much to bear with... and I had to make a choice then or never. I had to board the ship before it leaves the dock, and join the sailor, the child, in the next journey of love, light and melodious companionship. I had more to gain, than the losses envisioned. So I ran, as fast as I could.. yelled.. as loud as I could.. at the top of my voice..."WAIT I AM COMING, I AM SORRY, I NEED YOU". All dissolved in thin air, as soon as I saw who I was loosing in this battle.. My life, my child, my own soul, my guide, my light.
I choose to jump with them beside. A journey in which I crossed the boundary of fear, a cliff that I lived in for a while. The cliff height dissolved as soon as I closed my eyes in fear. I would land either on the ship or into the water...either way I have to either walk or swim...BUT I have to act...else one would drown or get rotten sitting at the cliff. The choice was made. I jumped as I saw the ship pulling its anchor...I jumped out of my fearful boundary... of being hurt if I landed on my face or head. I would never know unless i jumped either. I would never find them again. And if I jump in time I might land on the ship or the sailor on the ship would see and wait till I swim to the ship... BUT ITS ME ONLY WHO HAS TO ACT..now or never.. till you do not start walking, you would never reach the destination. I cannot be sitting on the cliff and thinking or assuming about the destination!!! or even hope to reach a destination. I saw their smiling face, as I took the last deep breath before jumping off the cliff.
So here I come life, let all the forces and sources of strength and courage be with me.. BUT its me and only me who has to walk, to find and reach my destination. May be they will see me as soon as I step out, may be there is someone who will hear the splash.....BUT to discover the hidden I have to first walk out of my cliff......I am scared and fearful but I WILL swim...I have the courage and strength to jump, swim and walk....the angel is with me.. rest is just a journey, so enjoy it..
As the ship sailed into the pacific, she waved at the cliff, where Dia was left behind. She welcomed the rising sun, the blue sky, the orange strike rising across the horizon.. welcoming a dawn in the east..
Dia loved you guys. But she loved him more. Having realized his importance in her life, and her inability to learn, accept, acknowledge and say aloud, that Yes, I NEED YOU, crossed six months. Tao would not have had to live six months of a dead existence! Why are we so scared to say and accept these words? Why is there so much fear to accept love for someone we love? Why is there an Ego to say 'Sorry' to someone who means a lot to you. Why is it so difficult at times to just forgive a small mistake, a small pain for a greater good? What stops us from accepting pure emotions and expressing it? Pain, Ego, Truth or Fear?
Dia never understood the hidden face behind her actions? If actions are all an expression of the aforementioned emotions won't it be just east to accept it, right away?, Dia wondered!! I ran into an angel, in one of those dark nights. Who told me, about greater good and taught to be first to reach out for someone you care. He told, but I acted slowly. Most do not even realize, understand or get to hear about the angels existence during their life time. I was very lucky to meet him in person, thought Tao.
The past six months, an eventful existence. A cocktail of loss and gains, with coins and pawns of my mind changing sides. A play between truth, honesty, fiction and illusion. A tussle of faith, compassion, authority and anger. A battle of pure love and war. The battle had to be resolved. Either Tao or Dia had to survive!
The cost was too much to bear with... and I had to make a choice then or never. I had to board the ship before it leaves the dock, and join the sailor, the child, in the next journey of love, light and melodious companionship. I had more to gain, than the losses envisioned. So I ran, as fast as I could.. yelled.. as loud as I could.. at the top of my voice..."WAIT I AM COMING, I AM SORRY, I NEED YOU". All dissolved in thin air, as soon as I saw who I was loosing in this battle.. My life, my child, my own soul, my guide, my light.
An honest call, as always, is always heard and answered. So did the sailor...and I was aboard. The gain was humongous, and magnificent to the loss I had envisioned. Loss does not even seem a loss anymore.. it appeared as a tiny, small boat as I sailed away to the horizon along with
Suzane and Simon. They were twins. I had deserted them at birth. But could not let them float away all alone...
Suzane and Simon. They were twins. I had deserted them at birth. But could not let them float away all alone...
I choose to jump with them beside. A journey in which I crossed the boundary of fear, a cliff that I lived in for a while. The cliff height dissolved as soon as I closed my eyes in fear. I would land either on the ship or into the water...either way I have to either walk or swim...BUT I have to act...else one would drown or get rotten sitting at the cliff. The choice was made. I jumped as I saw the ship pulling its anchor...I jumped out of my fearful boundary... of being hurt if I landed on my face or head. I would never know unless i jumped either. I would never find them again. And if I jump in time I might land on the ship or the sailor on the ship would see and wait till I swim to the ship... BUT ITS ME ONLY WHO HAS TO ACT..now or never.. till you do not start walking, you would never reach the destination. I cannot be sitting on the cliff and thinking or assuming about the destination!!! or even hope to reach a destination. I saw their smiling face, as I took the last deep breath before jumping off the cliff.
So here I come life, let all the forces and sources of strength and courage be with me.. BUT its me and only me who has to walk, to find and reach my destination. May be they will see me as soon as I step out, may be there is someone who will hear the splash.....BUT to discover the hidden I have to first walk out of my cliff......I am scared and fearful but I WILL swim...I have the courage and strength to jump, swim and walk....the angel is with me.. rest is just a journey, so enjoy it..
As the ship sailed into the pacific, she waved at the cliff, where Dia was left behind. She welcomed the rising sun, the blue sky, the orange strike rising across the horizon.. welcoming a dawn in the east..
"As, I reached the end of her pages, I felt both sad and happy. Sad to see her leave behind the memory of 'us' and happy to see her smile, the shine, the ease, the same expression that I would see whenever she would be in my arms disappointed yet wanting to fight..but not knowing how... I am proud of you Dia that you choose to die, shall wait to see the world conquered by Tao...and I am sorry that I had to leave you alone with Suzzane and Simon..that night"
'your belated white angel, Rick'
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