When Politics Broke My Heart !!

I have been thinking whether to write it or not..Finally I took the call to write it. So here I am, possibly this way it will out of my system.

I was never interested in politics, It never affected me as I thought I have nothing to do with the people who run the business called 'Politics'.

26 - 11 - 2008, I went to the Engineering lab to finish the last part of my codes, that's when the breaking news came into my Inbox and I got stuck with CNN..

Although I did not know anybody personally but seeing my country burn I felt ashamed of myself, I felt helpless, I felt homeless, I felt orphaned. I was shuttling between 'Anger' 'Hopelessness' and 'Pain'. I felt helpless. It was hard to work. Amongst all this fire and terror I think I re-realized the strength or intensity of 'Belonging to a Nation' ! And am sure am not the only one.

Ever since I came to US, I wanted to go back as soon as I can!
Ever since I started living here, I realized how different these two worlds are and they cannot be compared.
Ever since I started living here, I became more critical about the goods and bads in both the worlds and how the best can be transferred to India.
Ever since I decided to do a PhD, I knew I wanted to do it 'ON INDIA.'
It was so easy to give up and jump on to a different project, but I could not as I did not want to!
It was not easy to deal with the bureaucracy, while working in India from US and kept the motivation, passion and spirit going among all the personal and professional tussle going on in my life.

Yet, I dreamt and my dreams continue, that someday I will be able to go back and contribute at a larger scale than I can today or I have done till now.

Although with every terror attack a brick in the castle breaks, falls or collapses!

Mumbai's 26/11 was no different. But this time besides damaging the bricks it made me furious and my anger poured out as words in my blog or other discussion blogs! One such posts lead to an argument which brought me face to face with certain facts,realities and allegations. Although I bit back the person and later I appologized for loosing my temper there were certain statements that I want to keep myself reminded -

1. what is it that you have done that you are complaining?
absoultely true, I have not even managed to completed my education to be able to be in a position to say something with an authority! THIS IS SO TRUE. Am nobody at this point in the system. I have not made a mark in the society or in the country to answer back !! My small academic or professional achivement is not good enough to make anybody re-think before they pose a Q to me !

2. you are anyway living outside India for over 5 years now so you don't know the system, hence away from it if you have nothing good to say! - I want to make a promise to myself that never give anybody a chance to talk to me like that irrespective of where I stay. And that will be achived when I have answer to above Q

I think My inability to reply back to the first Q was what hurt me the most. But that is the truth. It hurt me. It made me angry. It made me realign to my immediate priorities. It was nice that I could speak to Dad, that day. He just told me "Don't loose focus from your short term and long term goals. You have long life and a lot of time. Utilize your time properly and you will have answer to both the Q's pretty soon. Don't loose heart and at the same time don't forget what you felt when you faced the first Q. Remeber that and work towards your goals"

So yes, that was the day politics broke my heart, and I won't let the incissoin get healed (or forgotten) with time so easily!!