Watched the movie 'RuBaRu' last weekend...
nutshell : nice but not new concept...presented earlier in Hollywood 'If Only'
CAUTIONARY WARNING : DO NOT READ THIS POST BEYOND THIS IF YOU HAVE 'NT WATCHED THE MOVIE YET!! I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY MOVIE SPOILER!
I was searching for the meaning of the word 'Ru Ba Ru' which meant soul facing soul or face to face), a film about love, relationship, chances, co-incidences, certainties, surprises and destiny. I loved it. It was very natural. I was not sure if I was watching a movie or watching life. It did not have too much of its bollywood's crap and was set well in the present Indian or western scenario of how and what life is !
It's about taking life for granted and not realizing that you might never get a 2nd chance or may be today is your last chance or day !
I had to write these thoughts out for the 'last day' feeling that I experienced on 19th May 2001 at Siliguri, WB. I was doing the last leg of my field work surveying for hog deer in the north and north east...
I had broken up with my boy friend the previous year. Work has always been a rescue for me during the worst phases of my life. And this was one too and also the beginning I guess :).. Anyways so I was traveling and wandering along the foothills of himalaya's answering some ecologically endangered questions without even realizing the need to conserve myself.
I was so busy with work that I did not have the time to attend to my sub-conscious self. I thought I was doing fine. I was completing one full year of intense traveling surveying and working in the most challenging areas of India all by myself. It was the onset of my journey of self learning and self analysis.
'Love' for friends, family and cared one has always been my priority. I hate to hurt people who care for me, and I love to convey my thoughts to people whom I care. So, I love being loved and love to reciprocate it as well. Rarely can I bind it within set rules and regulation. And it holds true even today. Its either an Yes or a No, there are no grey shades in between.
Within that one year I ran into love again, or that's what I thought then. Today when I look at it, it was just the sudden emptyness post the three years of togetherness, insecurity of never finding a togetherness again or that care.
So, it was 2001 and I was in the middle of running into pseudo-love, traveling back and forth, intense work, a rebounce of first break up, pursuing and planning on ambitious career without giving a heed to anything else or anyone else! All I knew was I had a ecological question lurking in my mind and I wanted to find the answer to it or way to answer it. It was the formative years of my Phd question. Anyway so right when I was in the middle of the roller coaster of my life I had severe asthma attack in field. And I knew it was coming, as I have been couging bad, I had fever, I had weazing, and I was continuously seeing my parents every night. I ignored my dream or thoughts and just continued with the planned work. In field when you are working by yourself there is hardly any flexibility with adjusting your routine or daily schedule, as data collection has to go on or you drop it !
So the morning of 19th I woke up tired and I headed for Mahanda WLS. I was on the Sevok road when I cud not breath anymore. I have never felt so breathless ever after that. I was gasping for breath and I could see my driver becoming nervous. I just asked him to turn back towards Siliguri. Wrote the number of my dad's friend on a piece of paper and asked him to give a call to him immedaitely and ask for a hospital nearby. Those were the days of PCO and STD booths if one has to call while traveling. And since we were within the sanctuary it was a drive for quite sometime till he could make a call. Am glad I was in Bengal and I am glad I had my dad's friend's number. I do not remember and I do not recollect the drive to the hospital.
But I do remember, that I was in a strature outside a nursing home, I had a mask on my nose, and I was surrounded by strangers and I was gasping for breath, I was crying, and I wanted to see my parents ONCE as I did not know what would happen the next second. Not even a single face that day was known to me. They were all strangers. I just wanted to see my parents once and tell them how much I loved them, how much I wanted to do something for them, but I could not. I was face to face with myself and my last day at that very moment. There was another face I saw or remembered and I wanted to tell how much I cared and loved him. But I could not and did not know if I will either. I came face to face with people most important to me... to myself, to my soul and what I wanted then.. and the truth that I did not realize until then. I literally spoke to god (the first time ever, I felt I really communicated with a supreme being), and told him to give me ONE chance to bring me back, to not leave my parents heart broken and give me ONE CHANCE to make my parents happy, to tell them sorry for my arrogance, to tell them (parents and the face) that I love them and they are my only world..I had never felt so helpless before in my life !!!
.... ...............I was lucky. My wish was granted. It was 21st May and I was granted a 2nd chance. I don't know if I was unconcious or I was asleep or I was on sedatives. I was out of the ICU and I saw my dad and mom. My ego, my identity, my I, everything disappeared that day. My world was there, and I had everything. or in my terms 'mai khataam' ho gai thi us din! I knew what I wanted and I knew what I had to do next. It was a feeling of knowing everything, ' A Complete'!
The feeling of wanting tell your loved once that you love and care for them and having the feeling of not getting a chance to do so, has been my worst scariest experience!! I do not want to experience it ever again. NEVER!!!
The movie 'Ru Ba Ru' just took me back to the realization that Only when you see death or the end face to face you come face to face with the deepest truth that hides within you. Even today, whenever I am confused and am unsure of what I want, I travel back to 19th May 2001, and ask myself, If today was the only day I had, if there was no tomorrow what is it that I would ask for today?
I have always got honest answers, re-aligning me to the present and helping me decide what to do next ! This was one major turning point of my life. I changed.
The movie is all about, NOT TAKING LIFE OR ANYBODY FOR GRANTED, as you never know what happens next!! Hence I have no complains and regrets. To me each day is my last day, I love every bit of it. And I love every bit of the people I have chosen to share it with. Rest I do not really care!
nutshell : nice but not new concept...presented earlier in Hollywood 'If Only'
CAUTIONARY WARNING : DO NOT READ THIS POST BEYOND THIS IF YOU HAVE 'NT WATCHED THE MOVIE YET!! I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY MOVIE SPOILER!
I was searching for the meaning of the word 'Ru Ba Ru' which meant soul facing soul or face to face), a film about love, relationship, chances, co-incidences, certainties, surprises and destiny. I loved it. It was very natural. I was not sure if I was watching a movie or watching life. It did not have too much of its bollywood's crap and was set well in the present Indian or western scenario of how and what life is !
It's about taking life for granted and not realizing that you might never get a 2nd chance or may be today is your last chance or day !
I had to write these thoughts out for the 'last day' feeling that I experienced on 19th May 2001 at Siliguri, WB. I was doing the last leg of my field work surveying for hog deer in the north and north east...
I had broken up with my boy friend the previous year. Work has always been a rescue for me during the worst phases of my life. And this was one too and also the beginning I guess :).. Anyways so I was traveling and wandering along the foothills of himalaya's answering some ecologically endangered questions without even realizing the need to conserve myself.
I was so busy with work that I did not have the time to attend to my sub-conscious self. I thought I was doing fine. I was completing one full year of intense traveling surveying and working in the most challenging areas of India all by myself. It was the onset of my journey of self learning and self analysis.
'Love' for friends, family and cared one has always been my priority. I hate to hurt people who care for me, and I love to convey my thoughts to people whom I care. So, I love being loved and love to reciprocate it as well. Rarely can I bind it within set rules and regulation. And it holds true even today. Its either an Yes or a No, there are no grey shades in between.
Within that one year I ran into love again, or that's what I thought then. Today when I look at it, it was just the sudden emptyness post the three years of togetherness, insecurity of never finding a togetherness again or that care.
So, it was 2001 and I was in the middle of running into pseudo-love, traveling back and forth, intense work, a rebounce of first break up, pursuing and planning on ambitious career without giving a heed to anything else or anyone else! All I knew was I had a ecological question lurking in my mind and I wanted to find the answer to it or way to answer it. It was the formative years of my Phd question. Anyway so right when I was in the middle of the roller coaster of my life I had severe asthma attack in field. And I knew it was coming, as I have been couging bad, I had fever, I had weazing, and I was continuously seeing my parents every night. I ignored my dream or thoughts and just continued with the planned work. In field when you are working by yourself there is hardly any flexibility with adjusting your routine or daily schedule, as data collection has to go on or you drop it !
So the morning of 19th I woke up tired and I headed for Mahanda WLS. I was on the Sevok road when I cud not breath anymore. I have never felt so breathless ever after that. I was gasping for breath and I could see my driver becoming nervous. I just asked him to turn back towards Siliguri. Wrote the number of my dad's friend on a piece of paper and asked him to give a call to him immedaitely and ask for a hospital nearby. Those were the days of PCO and STD booths if one has to call while traveling. And since we were within the sanctuary it was a drive for quite sometime till he could make a call. Am glad I was in Bengal and I am glad I had my dad's friend's number. I do not remember and I do not recollect the drive to the hospital.
But I do remember, that I was in a strature outside a nursing home, I had a mask on my nose, and I was surrounded by strangers and I was gasping for breath, I was crying, and I wanted to see my parents ONCE as I did not know what would happen the next second. Not even a single face that day was known to me. They were all strangers. I just wanted to see my parents once and tell them how much I loved them, how much I wanted to do something for them, but I could not. I was face to face with myself and my last day at that very moment. There was another face I saw or remembered and I wanted to tell how much I cared and loved him. But I could not and did not know if I will either. I came face to face with people most important to me... to myself, to my soul and what I wanted then.. and the truth that I did not realize until then. I literally spoke to god (the first time ever, I felt I really communicated with a supreme being), and told him to give me ONE chance to bring me back, to not leave my parents heart broken and give me ONE CHANCE to make my parents happy, to tell them sorry for my arrogance, to tell them (parents and the face) that I love them and they are my only world..I had never felt so helpless before in my life !!!
.... ...............I was lucky. My wish was granted. It was 21st May and I was granted a 2nd chance. I don't know if I was unconcious or I was asleep or I was on sedatives. I was out of the ICU and I saw my dad and mom. My ego, my identity, my I, everything disappeared that day. My world was there, and I had everything. or in my terms 'mai khataam' ho gai thi us din! I knew what I wanted and I knew what I had to do next. It was a feeling of knowing everything, ' A Complete'!
The feeling of wanting tell your loved once that you love and care for them and having the feeling of not getting a chance to do so, has been my worst scariest experience!! I do not want to experience it ever again. NEVER!!!
The movie 'Ru Ba Ru' just took me back to the realization that Only when you see death or the end face to face you come face to face with the deepest truth that hides within you. Even today, whenever I am confused and am unsure of what I want, I travel back to 19th May 2001, and ask myself, If today was the only day I had, if there was no tomorrow what is it that I would ask for today?
I have always got honest answers, re-aligning me to the present and helping me decide what to do next ! This was one major turning point of my life. I changed.
The movie is all about, NOT TAKING LIFE OR ANYBODY FOR GRANTED, as you never know what happens next!! Hence I have no complains and regrets. To me each day is my last day, I love every bit of it. And I love every bit of the people I have chosen to share it with. Rest I do not really care!
5 comments:
oh wow! that sounds like quite an experience!
oh yes...my life changed miraculously after that...and I have no complains.. :)
change seems to have been for the good, but the experience is scary man! For once I am glad you don't/didn't drive, at least cabbie to tha tere saath mein!
:) yah... thenks to the God, for that...and haan meri jeep thi :) mahindra darling :) tu bata...teri bak bak bandh hai ajkaal :) ??
yeah, bolti band ho gai hai :)
lots of stuff going on all at once. will tell u later (when its over! nothing to worry abt, just busy with unexpected things)
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